lalala~

The lamp post

2012-01-27T21:16:00.002+08:00

I looked out my window and saw a lamp post. A specific lamp post. The lamp post where you and I stood under it, you being nervous about your first Professional Communication Skills the next day. So we stood there with you rehearsing in front of me. I was thinking, the next time I'm taking PCS, you need to listen to me ramble about how nervous I am and you need to listen to me practice! Now how can that be possible?

The whiteboard at home.

2012-01-26T13:49:00.002+08:00

So there's this one white board at home. I wrote my wishlist for my 22nd birthday. I was eyeing this Fossil watch which costs more than half of my pay. So I saved some of my second pay and hoped to buy it for myself the coming month. Unfortunately, my phone was broken just that time so I HAD to get a new one :)

Honestly, I was hoping that I would actually get only one out of this wishlist. Long story short, thanks to my superb support system cum family, I get everything I wanted. Not exactly everything, but more or less the same. I've got a phone as a birthday present from my sister and I gave her the money that I saved to buy the watch. As an exchange, I used the money Mom and Dad gave for my birthday to buy this one cheaper and fancy watch, just to cross it from my list. Two weeks later, I got this cute short haircut, just as a mark of the new me in this new year. And the thing that I was really surprised about was when Dad decided to let me drive this semester. I thought he was still shaken from the last accident. It's okay, I will try not to betray your trust, Dad. Well, at least not so much :)

I've seen most students here lamenting about their last four months being nothing but total boredom and waste of time. How can that be? I actually enjoyed my four months holiday. I learned to appreciate the simple things in life and relax in the company of your beloveds. Yeah I didn't get to have a vacation to Disneyland or visit the most tranquil place in the universe or the most crystal-clear beach on earth. But once you are surrounded with the people you love, spending time together doing nothing is already more than worth it.

I love my support system.

I should have taken up Accountancy

2012-01-18T22:24:00.004+08:00

I went to the bank earlier today to change my ATM card into a debit card (lepas ni boleh la shopping macam guna kad kredit. Swipe swipe ja. Lepas tu tandatangan) and to increase my withdrawal limit from RM3000 to RM5000 (wide grin). I was standing at the counter, waiting for my turn. Next to me was a guy, it was his turn. So there I was, standing, lost in thought (padahal mengelamun), thinking how my life would have been a lot more different if I have studied Accountancy instead. When the guy had finished his business, he turned to me and said "Dik..", while passing a little piece of paper over the counter, and then he disappeared. I glanced and saw a series of phone number written on the paper. I didn't know what to do, so I kept my cool, acted as if nothing happened and I never touched that paper. First, I wasn't interested. I was just shocked because that was a first experience of some random guy passing his phone number to me. Second, I was scared that the paper was contaminated, let's say, with ubat guna-guna or worse, Anthrax. I know it's utterly impossible but it crossed my mind. So I just dealt with my business, and left. I never really knew how he looked like, because I never really paid any attention to him. Now I regretted for not taking the paper along with me. I should have taken the paper and passed it to my dad who was waiting not far from me. That ought to teach that guy a lesson. Hahahaha.

Come to think of it, what do these guys expect girls to do? Call the number and said "Hey, I la yang kat counter tadi" ? Please do enlighten me. And the other day, someone I knew was driving in a car. There were four ladies in the car and these two guys were following them on a motorbike. Once the motorbike was next to the car (both vehicles were on the move), the passenger took out his penis and flashed it to the ladies in the car. What the hell? I mean, what do they expect from the ladies? Stop the car and give him a blowjob? Okay sorry, but I just don't get it. Or maybe it's their pleasure, showing off what they have. Don't make me sound like a sexist. I just, I don't understand. I can't see what they get from this.

But hey, thanks. I was grinning all the way back. Today I feel pretty. Hahahahahaha.

The bathroom set

2011-12-26T12:42:00.003+08:00

The thing about sharing a bathroom with two toddlers is, there are balloons in the bathroom, pampers scattered on the cabinet, and not to forget a few colourful balls, Legos shaped like a robot and those strawberry/orange-flavoured toothpaste that you're dying to try.

I'm sure gonna miss those little brats when this holiday ends :(

The value of

2011-12-17T00:10:00.002+08:00

So I guess the conclusion is, be thankful with what you have in your life. Stop complaining because there are people who are less fortunate than us. If you're sick from flu or mild fever, there's someone in other parts of the world who is dying from AIDS. If you think that you don't have enough money to buy a new phone, there's a mother who worries about getting enough food on the table for her children. If you complain that you are bored during the four-months holiday with nothing to do, there's some cancer patient who has another four months to survive.

And when something bad happens to us, we should reflect it on ourselves. For example, when I got into an accident the other day, I guess Allah is trying to show me something. Maybe He wants to warn me of something bad that I've done. Maybe he wants me to improve. Maybe he wants to punish me for something I did. I don't know. That's what I have to figure out.

Another example, when you're really mad at someone, just relax and think again. Why are you mad at that person? What went wrong? After that, try and recall, have you done anything wrong? Maybe that person is wrong, or maybe you are wrong too. Maybe you've done something bad that make that person do what he did. I think I may have overlooked a few things sometimes. I know, I'm not always right all the time. I may have done things that make other people mad without me realizing it. This is a also a reminder for me, if one day I forgot these things.

I'm babbling. Okay. Dear future me, please be thankful.

The Ex (Ahh bosan tak dak topik lain. Lame. Lame)

2011-12-15T23:55:00.003+08:00

I’m bored. I want to write. And the only time that I can write is when I write about you. It seems that you are my inspiration. Hah. Cheesy much? So here I am, writing about what I have been holding back for so long. The taboo topic, well not so taboo, but who cares, right? If you are the only topic that I can write about at the moment, so be it. So here’s the title : THE EX. Haha. So for anyone who’s not interested (Chaq, if you’re reading this, please stop. Haha), please please leave now because this is going to be one hell of a sappy post. I know my friends are tired of listening about you, I’m sure they are. I tell them everything about you as if they’ve met you. I was obsessed with you, WAS. Now I’m just reminiscing the good old times, without tears in my eyes or a heavy heart, really.

There are too many coincidences, too many resemblances, too many memories that bring me back to you. You know, after almost three years, I thought I would have forgotten about you COMPLETELY by now but you are still stuck in my head. Why oh why? I guess you gave me that first experience that I think most girls long for. I mean, imagine this. She is the new kid in school, and this quite-good-looking guy is interested in her and all her other friends are telling her “He likes you!” and suddenly he approaches her, wanting to know her better. And what makes it more interesting is the fact that it is forbidden (because of the rules and regulations; boys and girls can never have any “special” relationship). And the best part is he plays the guitar! Who wouldn’t want this experience? Oh come on. I was in my sweet sixteen phase. People say that Form 4 is not a honeymoon year but for me, oh hell yeah it was. I was a teenage queen. I was on my honeymoon. I was learning the so-called love that people always talk about, the feeling that makes you forget everything else.

I remember people telling me that you were fond of me, but I was skeptical. No way would I trust the rumours. I was just a nerd, with her glasses and sneakers on, but you were this quarterback (okay not actually a quarterback. But someone who plays the only famous sports in the school :rugby) with this handsome face and a guitar, okay I sound like one of those Taylor Swift’s songs. But hey, it was too good to be true. And there you were, getting to know me better from time to time. And I still remember the first time I talked to you. It wasn’t even a real conversation. It was only a less than a minute of changing words and smiles. We were in the same class, the same homeroom, in fact. I remember when I was really sick and we had that big test coming up. I begged at the teacher for me to be excused from the test because I was really weak at the moment, but he refused. So there I was in that special room where sick people answer their papers. My head was heavy and it was practically on the table with my eyes shut. When I opened them, I saw your worried face staring at me through the windows. Thank god, I didn’t do so badly in the test. See what I meant when I say that you were my inspiration?

And I remember all those late night phone calls, where you would stand for hours at the phone booth. You knew that I liked cats and one time, you caught one and asked it to meow for me over the phone and you were practically talking to the cat. I don’t know how to explain it but I thought it was cute. And there was this one time when you performed on stage and you played the guitar beautifully. I was staring at you, mesmerized. After a while, I realized that a few girls turned and looked at me jealously. Do you know how proud I was at that time? I had you.

We thought we could keep our relationship as a secret. But how can we do that when everytime you entered the class, you would find my gaze and smile at me. The whole class could see that. Of course they got suspicious. And I love those times when you wrote me messages on my desk, and I would go to class early the next morning just to reply them on your desk. And that one time when I opened my locker and saw a teddy bear from you. How sweet is that? It is cheesy but it is one of those things that we go through as teenagers in love and I really appreciate it. Thanks

And don’t forget all those VoiceSMS that we sent to each other. The numerous times where you would play on your guitar and sang to me. I still can’t believe how you could fall for me. At first I thought it was just a bet that you made with your friends, but you seemed so true. You know, when we were together, I dreamt of you every night. And I mean, every night. See how happy I was when I was with you?

And I remembered when we sat for SPM. I took an extra paper and you didn't. It was quite tough actually. When it ended, I was getting out of the exam hall when I saw you running towards me, panting. I was actually surprised to see you there. I honestly thought you were chased by a dog, seriously. It turned out you just came to ask me “How was the paper?” Now how sweet is that?

And there was this one time that you insisted that I meet your mother. I was really shy at that moment. If I was a bit fairer, I would blush like crazy. There I was, feeling small in my chair, smiling nervously, didn’t know what to say to your mother. And you were across the table, grinning and didn’t even help to make any conversation! You just said to your mother, “Ni la dia”. The next day, you met my parents. My Dad put on his fierce face but there you were, trying to make conversations with him. If you want to know, all my male friends are scared of my Dad. So why aren’t you? I was really proud of you at that moment. You met him in front of all our friends. Bet they didn’t think we would go that far, huh?

When we broke up, I lost my senses. My emotions were unstable. I cut the shawl that you gave me during Raya and the pink teddy bear that I used to love. I packed them in a plastic bag and threw it away the next morning. My friends thought I was a psycho for doing such a thing. Come to think of it, it was quite scary. See how you changed me? Hah.

You know, every once in a while, a car with your three-lettered-name as the plate number will pass by in front of me, or maybe someone mentioned your name and every memories of us come streaming back again. I got myself someone to replace you but I ended up comparing you guys. You are like this prince charming, fairytale-like with all the sweetness and he’s this down to earth guy who doesn’t really want me for me, I think.

I hate the fact that we used to go out on dates. I mean, now I can’t go back to those places anymore without picturing us there. I hate Megamall Penang the most because it holds a lot of our memories. There was this one time where we took pictures together in the photo booth and we looked good. Haha. I still have those pictures stashed in a box, you know. Just as a prove of the one that got away. I remember when we went to Queensbay. We were looking for new shirts for you. You were going to start your semester somewhere and I was going to some other place. We bought out promise ring with a butterfly on it. I lost the ring when I lost my pencil case after we broke up. I guess it was meant to be lost, huh?

I moved to a new place last year. And on my way there from Ipoh, I’ll surely pass by this huge billboard with your college advertisement on it and everytime I saw that, I sure feel like shooting it down. And once, I was in the car and I saw your college bus. What was that all about? And I still see your college bus all around Kulim now. My god.

Speaking of dreams, I had this one dream last October. You came to me with your huge toothy grin that I was once crazy about, you sat next to me and asked me about my new life. We talked about the new people in our lives and how we were coping with everything. I thought that dream was a way of fate telling me that I am over you. But things got fuzzier after that. I went to class, longing that you were there with me. I imagined how life would be if you had gone to UTP with me. You got the offer. Same course. Why oh why didn’t you come? I looked around and my heart skipped a beat when I saw your face, then realized that it wasn’t you. There are many people who look like you there, you know? You are everywhere I turn. The guy who works in the library, this one senior who is now out of UTP, this one junior who is my friend’s boyfriend, this one guy who sells apam balik at the night market (I actually bought apam balik from him everytime I go there), the guy in my drama team. And many more, actually.

Well this is an improvement. You see, I love writing. I think you know that. You even asked me to write the lyrics for the song that you created. Why the hell did I turn that down? As I was saying, I love writing, so much. I always have this bits and pieces of sentences in my head but I can never fit them all together into a story. The only time when I can write non-stop is when I’m writing about you. It’s all like high school again. I can write contently. But after we broke up, every time I write about you, tears will roll down my cheeks like rain. But now, I didn’t feel a thing. Well, not sentimental, at least. I’m like, at ease.

You know, the last two years, I think I was still crazy about you. I stalked you here and there. I even registered for a Myspace account just to stalk you and I was so happy when you responded, well I was an anonymous. But you never added me as your friend in Facebook and I was like, okay. I guess it’s for the best anyway. But I still stalk you and when I saw that you have this one girl in your life, I thought I was gonna freak out. But I didn’t. In fact, I stopped stalking you, well for a while, that is. At least, I know that you’ve moved on. In fact, I think you’ve moved on much earlier than me even though I found a new one about 4 months after the ugly break up. I don’t know..

My friend dedicated a Korean song to me. Time To Love by T-ara and Supernova or something. She said that the lyrics are so much like our story.

Good person, you're my first love

The person who taught me love
Never forget you
I remember you
I remember only you

Maybe I'll see you, so I wear the clothes you bought me
Cut my hair short the way you liked it
To walk the road I walked with you
I walk around the long way, thinking maybe you'll be there
I kept my old phone number
Maybe you'll try to find me again, my house still the same
In my mini-hompy, the songs we used to listen together
Maybe you'll see me, maybe you'll come back

We didn't forget each other yet
We still want each other
We are still loving
Going separate ways
Actually, I want to see you
I miss you like crazy
I wait for you forever
In the end, I wait for you
I stop to wonder
I'm going around in circles

Good person, you're my first love
The person who taught me love
Never forget you
I remember you
I remember only you

Yo, maybe I'll see you
Maybe your heart will shake at that road
Worrying that my heart will become weak
Worrying that you'll see my bone-skinny state
I avoided that road I walked with you
I walked the long way, thinking you'd be there
I changed my phone number already
I moved houses, thinking I'll think of you
But still unspeakable words leak from my mouth
Maybe I'll see you, maybe you'll come back

We didn't forget yet
We still want each other
We are still loving
Going separate ways
Truthfully, I want to see you
I miss you like crazy
I wait for you forever

In the end, I wait for you
I stop to wonder
I'm going around in circles

Good person, you're my first love
The person who taught me love
Never forget you
I remember you
I remember only you

"Let's start again"
I want to say to you
I can't see you nor hear you
but I'm still holding on to you

Getting soaked by the pouring rain
I go to the place where we first met
I feel so pathetic
The warm place is still there in my heart
Can you endure any more?
Then I'll endure a little more
But it takes some effort, I loved you too much
I tried my best, but it's impossible

Maybe I'll see you by coincidence
Maybe you'll see me
I wipe my tears, looking at myself in the mirror
Maybe you'll come back

You know, it’s true. I was cleaning my room the other day and I saw that Gundam that you gave me. It is gathering dusts now. It was so sweet you know? You loved those Gundams and you bought me one and asked me to assemble it myself. I did it in an hour I guess. I’ve never been a fan of robots but I think that was very sweet of you, to share something you like with me. Then I took it off the shelf, and put it in the store. I’m getting rid of things that remind me of you. At least I’m keeping them in a crate and maybe someday I’ll give them back to you.

Next! Yeah I haven’t changed my phone number, you know. In case of emergencies (now tell me, what would that be?), you would know where to find me. But sadly, I was once so wrecked up after going back to our high school and meeting our old friends and seeing all those places that remind me of you, I was haunted by our memories together so I tracked you down and sent you a text message and all I get was, “Who’s this?” from you. I was like, “Damn”. You didn’t even remember my number and here I am thinking that someday, maybe someday, you would come and find me. Oh well. Dream on.

When you were still in Malaysia, I went to this shopping mall with dreaded heart, thinking that this is the place where I last saw you, the place where I knew that you were leaving me forever. Then I saw your friends (thanks to my stalking experience, I know that they are your friends when neither of them recognizes me) walking around and I was practically hiding to see if you were there also. I didn’t know what I wanted at that time, whether to bump into you, or see you from afar or maybe run and hide or something. Thank god, you were not there so I never really had to make that decision. I went to my brother’s wedding in a place near your house, wishing that somehow, somehow, you are related to my sister-in-law’s family and you would be there too, but you weren’t.

If we talk about songs, damn, there are so many songs that remind me of you. Those songs are saved in a playlist where I really really need a sane mind and stable emotion just to look at those playlist, let alone listen to them. And they are good songs! I talked to my friends about you all the time. It is as if they already know you, as if they’ve already met you. They know all our songs and we would sing together in the car sometimes, just to cheer me up, when deep down sometimes the wound is bleeding again.

Then you requested to be my friend in Facebook, after more than two years of silence, I was shocked. Really shocked. I told my friend, the person who was responsible for getting us together three years ago. And she told me that she was the one who asked you to add me as a friend. I guess she got us back together. But as friends, not more than that. I don’t mind. I don’t believe in friendship between exes anyway. It won’t work. So up until now, we just keep to ourselves and I’m quite okay with it.

Well, that was then. This is now. Now, I don’t long for you anymore. Just a few flashbacks from time to time, that’s all. Just a reminder of something that I used to go through. I’ve had my rebound and now I just want to focus on my life. No more douche bags. You know, I never really blamed you for our break up. It wasn’t really your fault. It was me, really. I was greedy, too excited with my new world. You’re a good guy. I am still surprised that I am not freaking out now that you have a new person in your life. I look at your pictures with her but I didn’t feel so bad. I thought I would feel like I want to die, but I didn’t. I guess I wasn’t that psycho, huh? Haha. So if you ever find this little piece of note (little?), I wish you well. Don’t worry, I don’t wish to be with you anymore, though I sure sound like I would. Heh. I’m much more sane now. You are just one of the people that I meet in my long journey called life. Thanks for adding rainbows and stars and a little bit of rain in the picture. If it is possible, I would like to meet you one day in the future, dear doctor.

Dengan ini, saya tujukan lagu Adele - Someone Like You untuk anda. Hahaha okay okay kidding. Tapi takpa, copy paste jugak :D

"Someone Like You"

I heard that you're settled down
That you found a girl and you're married now.
I heard that your dreams came true.
Guess she gave you things I didn't give to you.

Old friend, why are you so shy?
Ain't like you to hold back or hide from the light.

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.
I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
That for me it isn't over.

Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don't forget me, I beg
I remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead,
Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead,"
Yeah.

You know how the time flies
Only yesterday was the time of our lives
We were born and raised
In a summer haze
Bound by the surprise of our glory days

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.
I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
That for me it isn't over.

Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don't forget me, I beg
I remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead."

Nothing compares
No worries or cares
Regrets and mistakes
They are memories made.
Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?

Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you
Don't forget me, I beg
I remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead."

Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don't forget me, I beg
I remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead,
Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead.

You never know what you got till it's gone

2011-10-23T12:29:00.003+08:00

I have a lot to write about but I don't have the time and by the time that I have the time, I have forgotten completely about the perfect sentences that was formed in my head when I didn't have the time earlier. Okay I'm babbling.

The thing is, I miss my Maktok. She passed away more than a year now. When it was about one year after her death, I started to have dreams about her, gruesome ones. Ones that I couldn't bear to share with my mom. One of them is, she was hanging rope-less facing the ceiling, in the same jubah that she used to wear, with a spear through her torso. And I was staring up, looking at this..this..incident.

Now, I drive past her house everyday. Sometimes I regretted for not calling her more often when she was alive, or visiting her more frequently.

There was this one time, Tun Dr Mahathir came for an event in UTP. He looked so much like my grandmother that I called her right after the event. I missed her at that time. And she sounded so happy when I called her. Why oh why didn't I call her more often after that? It's true, huh? You never know what you got till it's gone. I'm trying not to regret all these things. Maybe it's for the better. Maybe if she is still alive, she'll be in more pain and sufferings. Despite all the drama and scenes in the family, I think when someone passed away, it's better to think of the good memories rather than the bad ones. Grudges will get you nowhere anyway.

Make you go la la la

2011-10-23T11:24:00.003+08:00

I have this weird condition of having a perfect song describing my current situation subconsciously. How do I explain this?

Okay for example, I had a bad wake up call today. My niece was crying all morning (nampak sangat tidoq balik lepas subuh), interrupting my beauty sleep. So today I got out of bed groggily with a not-so-good mood. Even after my shower, I still looked like I'm fresh from bed. I was getting dressed for work when I realized that I was singing along to Usher's "DJ Got Us Falling In Love" and I was singing the line, "I feel like a zombie coming back to life, back back to life". Which was exactly how I felt.

Then, the other day. I was driving to work, listening to Yuna's "Greek Goddess". I was singing along to the lyrics, "Your boyfriend's a rockstar, driving a convertible". In a split second, (and no, I am not exaggerating), a convertible car passed by. I mean, how often do you see a convertible drive past you in Kulim? Come on!

Then, last two days, I was listening to Katy Perry's "The One That Got Away" while Google-ing "sad songs that make you want to die" (this is for my sister. See how depressed we are? I mean, she is.). As I went through the lists of songs, I came across the name Johnny Cash. Apparently he sang one of the saddest songs on earth. And at the same time, I was singing along to the line "I was dreaming you were my Johnny Cash" of Katy's song. Like, what the hell?? This is getting freaky! I have never ever heard of that name before and suddenly this serendipity is streaming like a river (okay what kind of simile is this? Okay is it even a simile? Okay what the hell).

It is fun sometimes, to have a song that suits my current mood. And I am able to do that without realizing it. But that got me thinking. When can I recite a Surah or Hadith that suits my current situation? Hmm.

Oh and as I got out of the car today, Taylor Swift's "Two Is Better Than One" was blaring on the speakers of the parking lot. Damn.

The list

2011-09-15T23:17:00.002+08:00

I need to set a goal. Well, maybe goals. It's four months, man. Can't waste them away just like that. Okay let's see.

Re-read the whole Quran.
Give more attention to the hair and the face. (Sorry, I've been busy studying, mind you)
Get a job.
Re-read every Harry Potter books. (Can't afford to buy a new collection of books.sobs)
Re-watch all Harry Potter movies. (And complain about how they are not identical to the books)
Decorate the bedroom, make it worth the four months holiday.
Organize my Gmail. (I've used up 71% of the capacity. I need to clear some stuff)
Organize the stuff in my computer (Songs and movies and photos are saved everywhere! Don't forget the redundant ones)

Okay that's all for now. I'll update the list and try to fulfill all.

Day count : 3

One reunion, done!

2011-09-02T23:15:00.003+08:00

When you haven't seen each other for five years or more, all the dark secrets start to pour all over.

Who likes who, old flames start to ignite, rivals laugh together, bestfriends got closer. All the memories, the glory days are fresh like it was yesterday.

One of the question asked to me was, "Camna hang boleh jadi kurus wey? Dulu aku tengok, erm..".

Don't know if I should be offended or flattered. I'm more flattered though. Hee.

What love?

2011-08-24T15:14:00.002+08:00

A guy and a girl fell in love with each other. Well, at least the girl thought she did. As usual, they shared everything, opened up every little secrets, showed each other their own little worlds. They left their hearts unguarded; exposed to any warm fuzzy feelings, living in the moment, enjoying the warmth, forgetting about the pounding aches.

To be less typical, they didn't promise much because they said promises are meant to be broken anyway. Little did they know, that hearts are meant to be broken too. After all the kiss-and-tell, the girl was too lost in the moment, she asked the guy about feelings. And he told her that he was confused. He didn't know what that was; the feeling. When the girl asked if it's love, he hesitated, denying, I suppose.

Sounds cliche? Sounds a lot like a Malay drama where the girl gave everything to the guy and finally the guy ditched her after getting what he wants, and now the girl is left empty and broken. Babes, we've watched these kind of things since we were young! We can guess almost everytime, how the story goes even from the very beginning. So why do we have to witness this all around us in real life? Gosh this is so annoying.

Kawan-kawan? Hehe

2011-08-23T00:20:00.002+08:00

Kawan sekolah rendah ajak reunion kat Kulim.

Kawan sekolah menengah ajak meronggeng kat KL.

Kawan universiti ajak enjoy kat Genting.

Ahhh..which seat should I take?? (gaya Rebecca Black)

Too bad, I'm guessing none :(

Nak ikuttttt :'(

So long and goodbye

2011-07-09T00:23:00.003+08:00

Who says a bad memory will always stay as a bad memory? I was in the kitchen with my sisters one night when I told them that an old flame added me on Facebook recently. So we were reminiscing about the day two years ago when that guy left me pathetically alone in Jusco Perda when he discovered that, okay that's a different story. But the point is, it is the incident where he dumped me. Ouch. And I don't know how my sisters did it, but they managed to turn the supposedly sad, weeping story of my life to be a really funny story where we laughed until we cried and our stomachs hurt. How great is that? Next time I remember about that incident, I'm sure gonna laugh my heart out. Thanks! :D

Penguin Readers :)

2011-06-22T20:50:00.002+08:00

So, about this quote. Really? So I guess I should be saying, "Phew! Two down, five to go!"

Too bad I don't really feel like cheering at the moment.

My sister once told me that if I want to post my sappy little emo thingy and I'm not comfortable with everyone (everyone?) reading, go and make one personal and private blog. Well sistah, I've got one Twitter account for swearing and being angry at everything and everyone (private, of course), and one private blog to write all about my happy moments in my relationship, and another private blog to share all those moments when I'm mad at the person in the relationship (don't know how to refer to this person. Gosh, typical!) and another private blog that I looooove so much because I've written quite long (do you remember "Penguin Readers" books that we read during English periods in school? Well, let's say I've written up till Level Three) and I'm sure close friends will know what it is about. And the sad thing is, I forgot the password (even the username) for that latter blog. Well, congrats to myself. Oh and before having this blog, I deleted my blog which I wrote when I was 18 years old. That's Penguin Readers level 5? Congrats again. Okay, listing all these so-called private blogs here won't make it private anymore, huh? Ooohh and you'll surely puke if you check out my Tumblr. One moment it is full with being-in-love, butterflies-in-the-stomach, precious-moments posts and on the next page, it's depressing, i'm-all-alone, boo-hoo posts. Bluergh. Grow up, woman!

Okay, so.. These ramblings do not have anything to do with that "Epic Facts" up there. I don't know how to comment on this so-called fact. I mean, does this work like, cats have nine lives and they can die eight times in order to live the last one? So that means that I need to get my heart broken six freaking-times before I have my happy-ever-after? What the hell? I have a long way to go, man! I've already chopped off a teddy bear's head during the first one and there's another head waiting to be chopped off now. Are you saying that there are more teddy bears on the shelves out there waiting for me? Oh my god. Somebody save me.

I received a complain saying that I should include more graphical materials in this blog, rather than just words. And here I am thinking that nobody reads these stuff. So does this count? If it doesn't, well then boo-hoo.

Emo bear

2011-06-18T16:20:00.002+08:00

Allah sends us the most unexpected people to tell us that everything is going to be okay. Beautiful words.

"Take some time

go and have a cry

we are adults now

adults need time to comfort themselves

instead of teenagers that are always trying to mend their hearts

adults let the cut heal with time

letting it to be scars

that will make the heart stronger

bearing the mark of a fallen love

but with good memories."

"Walau sepi macam mana kita

Tuhan tetap ada

kita ja dok lupa dia

tu pon dia still dok ingat kita"

Appreciate

2011-06-12T11:08:00.002+08:00

When Adele sang "We could have had it all", I sang along to it, snapping my fingers, tapping my foot. After a while, I realized that there is no such thing as having it all. We can never have everything we want. God gives you some and takes some from you. You gotta lose some to win some. Sometimes you'll be on top and sometimes you'll be down there under the wheels. Sometimes you'll feel like you're on top of the mountain and sometimes you'll feel like the mountain has crumbled on you. We can never have it all. God may give you everything, but gradually. You'll never have everything all at one time. So be thankful. Be really thankful. Stop complaining and start appreciating. If you throw your problems in a pile together with everyone else's, you would want to grab yours back. Your problem is miniature compared to other people in the world. So don't be selfish. Appreciate.

Walls

2011-06-09T01:51:00.004+08:00

Two years back,

there were walls around us,

no one can break through to us,

no one can reach us,

we were invincible.

Two years after,

the same walls moved in between us,

we can't break through to each other,

we can't reach each other,

we are vulnerable.

These words popped in my head and never left.

The so-called Nora Elena craze

2011-06-07T12:16:00.003+08:00

I've been watching this Nora Elena series for a while and I'm a bit blurred. And I really don't understand this Seth Tan guy.

First, he raped the gal when they were teenagers because he liked her so much. Like, what the hell? What makes him think that just because he likes someone so much,he has the rights to rape anyone? Isn't that common sense? If I had that green light, I would have already raped that boy in kindergarten. Ehem.

Secondly, 10 years later, this Seth Tan guy finally meets the gal that he raped once upon a time ago and she is already engaged to this awesome guy, Eid and are happily waiting for their wedding. Then this Seth Tan guy slowly makes a move on Nora although he already knows that she's engaged to his own staff, his own protege. Seth asks her out for lunch, dinner, with the excuse of,

"Don't worry. I'm Eid's boss. Eid will understand".

What the hell? What makes him think that just because he is someone's boss, he has the privilege to go out with other people's fiancée? So in the end, Eid breaks the engagement due to a few misunderstandings. Nora tu pun satu. Susah sangat la nak explain kat Eid tu yang boss dia dok menggatal flirt sana sini dengan dia, ajak makan dinner lunch segala. Kalau busy sangat si Eid tu asyik kena outstation sampai tak sempat nak bagitahu, send ja la sms. Ala masalah sangat.

Thirdly, after the engagement is cancelled, this Seth Tan guy becomes this bidan terjun hero segala to save Nora's family from shame. So he offered himself to marry Nora, offer la sangat padahal dalam hati seronok. Yeah yeah, so he feels guilty that he raped Nora and now he wants to menebus kesilapan la. Menebus kesilapan dengan menghancurkan hubungan orang lain? Haih aku emo betul lah dengan anasir-anasir yang mengganggu hubungan orang lain ni. What makes him think that just because he's got that handsome face and perfect body, he can propose to someone and expect her to marry him in a few days time?

So is this the guy that every girl is talking about?

"Ooohhh..romantiknya Seth Tan!"

"Gentleman gilerr Seth Tan tuu"

"Seronoknya dapat lelaki macam Seth Tan!"

Banyak lagi aku emo tengok cerita ni. Tapi tak nak la tulis panjang-panjang kan. Cukup la kena cop emo dengan budak kelas.

Serious case of salah guna kuasa Seth ni.

Flowerssssss

2011-06-07T10:47:00.002+08:00

I've been crazy over fresh flowers since last semester. We even went to the nursery to look for any roses or orchids or stuff but all they had was bougainvilleas. In the end, I bought a glass vase, put in some rocks in it and stuffed a few plastic flowers. But I've just realized a few months ago that I love fresh flowers! Fresh flowers. And here it is, Nora Elena who loves fresh flowers and buy fresh ones to put on her table everytime they wilt away. If I make a statement that I love fresh flowers now, people would think that I suddenly crave for flowers because of that new hit series. Bluergh. I do love flowers! I've just realized it. Check my Tumblr, posts dated months ago. Z.

2011-05-19T22:42:00.002+08:00

Why is it that Tumblr always manage to turn my thoughts into perfect sentences? How awesome is that?

Live. Kiss. Love. Roll.

2011-05-09T12:35:00.003+08:00

First of all, let me clarify that this is totally absolutely unintentional. Seriously.

I was getting bored with my same old same old playlist so I started Google-ing for new songs. Well, not literally new, actually. I Googled "top 80's songs" and I've found several lists with songs that are actually familiar to me. Can't believe that I have an old soul. That doesn't even count when I started to sing along with Dad to the Oldies. Gosh. Okay. So I started downloading a few hits back then and this is my latest playlist :

1. Bon Jovi - Living On A Prayer

This song is about a boy and a girl and their tough lives. The girl insists on holding on to what they already have and make the best of it, for the sake of love. Nothing else matters as long as they have each other. However at one point, when the girl is on the verge of giving up and decides to run away, the boy whispers to her, "Baby it's okay, someday".

"Oh, we're half way there

Oh oh, livin' on a prayer
Take my hand, we'll make it I swear
Oh oh, livin' on a prayer"

2. Kiss The Rain - Billie Myers

First of all, oh my gosh the person who sings this song is a she!

Okay so the song revolves around a boy and a girl who are having a long distance relationship, I suppose. The girl misses the boy and so she calls him up but I guess the boy has changed somehow because the girl is kinda paranoid about hearing a voice of someone else across the line. She also says that the boy sounds different and he doesn't seem to miss her the way she does.

"Keep in mind,

we're under the same sky.

And the nights

as empty for me as for you"

3. Def Leppard - When Love and Hate Collide

This song is about a conflict that this couple is having. This time, it is the girl who seems to change over time. They are arguing all the time, slamming down the phones, but in the end, they don't even know what they are fighting about. The boy is sick of treating each other like it's a war and he still loves the girl and he is making an effort to make everything okay like how they used to be.

"Got the time got a chance gonna make it

Got my hands on your heart gonna take it
All I know I can't fight this flame
You could have a change of heart, if you would only change your mind
Cause I'm crazy 'bout you baby, time after time"

4. Adele - Rolling In The Deep

This last song in my playlist is a new song, certainly not from the 80's. This song tells a story about this girl who has just broken up with a boy and how "..the scars of your love remind me of us.." and how "..they keep me thinking that we almost had it all..". It is not that she still wants him back, but she couldn't help thinking about the things that they could have had if they stayed together in the first place.

"We could have had it all,

(You're gonna wish you never had met me),

Rolling in the deep,

(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep),

You had my heart inside of your hand,

(You're gonna wish you never had met me),

And you played it to the beat,

(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)"

How come my playlist tells a complete love story from when boy meets girl, falls in love, swears to each other that they'll make it through anything, and eventually one of them starts to change and in the end no one seems to see eye to eye anymore and finally break up? What the hell?

Just breathe.

2011-05-08T13:15:00.002+08:00

Who says you gotta take a deep breath and let it out slowly when you're having panic attacks? Well they don't work in the real world, at least not for me. Especially those panic attacks that you have when entering the examination hall. It's like, I can literally hear my heart thumping in this ribcage, wanting to be set free, wanting to die. Sitting for the paper this morning got me thinking hard,

What else can I do with this life?

running wild

2011-05-04T02:26:00.003+08:00

According to my Introduction to Management notes, one of the ways to overcome effective communication barriers is to;

Constraint Emotions

-Recognize when your emotions are running high. When they are, don't communicate until you have calmed down.

Ain't it obvious?

Somehow I love reading the random broken English that I used regularly or the grammatical errors that I made or the trying-too-hard-to-make-long-and-beautiful sentences.

Gosh it's almost been three years and I still can't find my passion in engineering.

Okay I'm rambling. This doesn't have anything to do with the communication and emotions thingy.

Okay back to screen-capturing the notes with my head.

Okay, fine. Maybe some sleep.

My brown eyes, no more..

2011-04-29T10:51:00.003+08:00

The tear-stained face in the mornings..

The orange shirt in the closet..

The sweet-scented lotion of mine..

The little pimples on my face..

The teddy bear peeping from under the blanket..

The spot right out my window..

The silly pink octopus hanging in the car..

The piece of paper with your handwriting in my purse..

The reason you left..

The thought of never seeing those brown eyes again..

The thought of doing this for the best reasons..

The thought of you that never really leaves my head..

Honestly, and definitely not sarcastically,

you're the best.

Thank you..

Beautiful Stranger

2011-04-27T16:53:00.003+08:00

It was mid-day with a scorching heat all around. I was trying to keep my cool (though inside, I was sweating like a pig) while clutching to my books and files when our paths crossed.

"Assalamu'alaikum.."

"Wa'alaikummussalam"

I answered as I turned around. There she was, a motherly-figure hurrying towards me. I was puzzled at first when I saw her since my head was way away, somewhere else at that time. She introduced herself and told me that she was waiting for her son who was being interviewed by the Petronas officers at the moment. She wanted to know about the environment and life in this place and how people survive here. From her face, I can tell that she was quite worried for her son who applied for Civil Engineering and if God wills it, he will start his studies next May. She asked me about the concepts of learning here in UTP and why the fees are quite expensive and stuff.

After five minutes of briefing about UTP to her (as if the Vice Chancellor hadn't done enough introduction), she stopped walking and turned to face me. Suddenly, she started to shower me with advices about how life is hard and how we have to choose between the good and the bad. She said that both options are hard to choose, but why do we have to choose to commit sins, get kicked into hell, pay for the bad deeds and then only enter heaven with a mark on our foreheads? Why not do good deeds and get an express ticket to heaven? Why do we have to make hell as a pit stop? That got me thinking, a lot.

Then she talked about how our prayers are very important to us. It is prayers that prevent us from being tempted to do wrong things. Never miss any of the five prayers because they will help us a lot one day. Then she talked about how we should keep our intentions and motives straight in doing anything. We need to study for the right intentions. I can’t remember the order of it - God, parents and we ourselves; because I was too busy holding back tears.

I was amazed by how this stranger can come up to me and remind me of all the things that I have forgotten. It is like she knew how my day was going from bad to worse and this is EXACTLY what I needed at that time.

Isn't it amazing how God arranges our lives so that it will turn out this way? He gives us hardships to test our patience, to test our faith. When the going gets tough, and the tough couldn't get going anymore, He sends an "angel" to guide us back to the right path. He makes us realize that we may have done something wrong somewhere along the way to be getting these tests from Him. Or maybe this is just a sign to show that He still remembers us, although we sometimes forget about Him, but he will always remember us. He will never neglect us.

It is amazing how a stranger can bring a new meaning to your life. May Allah bless her and everyone related to her.

Then Abah sent these mms to me..

Okay these made my day.

Emo little b.

2011-04-20T20:42:00.005+08:00

I miss writing. Fullstop.

Okay, not actually a fullstop.

I miss writing long worth-reading stuff rather than all my sappy, pathetic sad love stories. Damn you, mood swings. I think I'm having a Premenstrual Syndrome, Period Menstrual Syndrome and Post Menstrual Syndrome. So I guess they all sum up to be Permanent Menstrual Syndrome (still PMS). So people around, bear with me. Maybe that explains why at one time I'm banging my head and screaming along to Korn's songs like,

"Pay the ferryman, pay the fucking driver
Pay the preachers and pay the fucking liars
Pay the bitches they're charging all their dates... stand by
I'm not gonna pay, it's already mine"

and also MCR's songs

and the next thing I know I'm Google-ing "sad and miserable songs". I even have a playlist with songs like:

The Band Perry - If I die Young
Jewel - You Were Meant For Me
Toni Braxton - Another Sad Love Song
Toni Braxton - Unbreak my Heart
Destiny's Child - Emotion
Michael Learns To Rock - 25 Minutes
Taylor Swift - Teardrops on My Guitar
Guns n Roses - Don't Cry

One moment I feel like I have a bulletproof heart. A few days later I feel like I have a porcelain heart. Ahh..words are so beautiful. Whatever the hell is wrong with my hormones?

These are a few quotes that I’ve collected from movies, songs and some that suddenly popped in my head when I’m taking a piss or something; during the most unusual times.

Delicate soul, porcelain heart.

Highschool is sweet flings and rough patches that made you, "YOU" today. Blame highschool.

In serious need of speakers and keyboard and wireless adapter for my laptop. What the hell? I'm already using an external mouse, a 500Gb external hardisk, external cooling fan. Looks more like a desktop than a laptop to me.

Flaws.

Coming, ready or not.

Tell the truth and God will save you.

Ain't nobody gonna get the best of me now.

We're all in love tonight.

You only hear the music when your heart began to break.

And when you go, don't come back to me, my love.

Undeserving of your sympathy.

Remember when I wrote our secret message on your table and you replied on mine?

A love that's so demanding.

Kiss me, you animal.

Don't let go.

Don't fuck around.

Hopes and fears.

Are you happy where you are now?

Hide your eyes, I'm gonna shine tonight.

We're all in love tonight.

You can run away with me anytime you want.

A little too personal.

You're back to my "Screened List".

He's a love machine.

I wanted to know some more.

Memories that remain.

I was sick and tired of everything when I called you last night.

This is the last smile that I'll fake for the sake of being with you.

Need a place for my head.

Nurse myself back to sanity.

I swallowed all my pride.

Avoid the cliche.

You're frozen when your heart's not open.

If I could melt your heart, we'd never be apart.

To love you is to be part of you.

Runaway with my heart.

I've got a thing for guys in Baju Melayu. It's my fetish.

I meant all the things that I said.

I'm better off on my own.

I'm living life day by day.

I just wanna live while I'm alive.

My heart is dancing all over the place.

Your lip-glossed smile.

Make me long for your kiss.

Of sweet beginnings and bitter endings.

I miss you like nobody else.

It's been so long since we have talked.

You're racing for tomorrow, not finished with today.

Would we be happier if we went somewhere together?

I think we're gonna be just fine.

I've got my friends, I'm more than okay.

The kind of flawless I wish I could be.

You've been through a lot, just know that heaven awaits you.

Ku cintaimu tak bererti bahawa ku harus memilikimu selamanya.

Kau bawa bersamamu, sebelah hatiku, separuh jiwaku, yang mampu sempurnakan aku.

Aku ada kerna kau telah tercipta.

Degupan jantung kita akan sentiasa seirama.

To hell with stares.

He is the one who puts u into this and He can take u out of this in a blink of an eye. Just know where u went wrong with Him and seek his forgiveness.

kadang2 we make mistakes dgn Dia tp kita xmpk

Dia just put u into this to make u realise

that u still need Him

dont leave Him out

He is always there for u

itu yg Dia nk kita sentiasa ingat

kadang2 we need a reality check

yg hidup kita nie, mcm mana perfect pun kita anggap, itu semua kerja Dia.

Dia leh tarik balik dlm sekelip mata

Dia nk kita sentiasa humble dgn nikmat yg Dia bg pinjam

Dia nk kita ingat semua tu sementara ja

Dia nk kita rasa mcm mana kalau kita di tempat org lain.

org lain yg xdak apa2. tp still leh survive

this is life's education

only He can teach

everything yg happen to ur life, gud or bad, adalah sbb diri sendiri. when something happened. look at urself. what went wrong. apa yg hg dah wat

Dia xmarah. cuma nk ingatkan.

dont say things

do it

I hate it when I am one of the girls.

Love is only a feelingggggg.

You are a page in my history.

Your world would be easier if I didn't come back.

That's true. But it wouldn't be my world without you in it.

Love takes time.

Regrets and mistakes, they're memories made.

You know you should but you don't.

Perfection comes in a full package with a ribbon on it.

I'm giving you a full visitation rights to the set of rambunctious twins that live on my ribcage.

Perfection with a little scratch of flaw.

Self-lamenting is so pathetic.

Silly little fights give me the thrill, the feeling of ups and downs.

Here's my hand and my heart, it's yours to take.

Falling from grace.

I'm a curious cat.

After all these years, you still manage to give me those kind of heartbeats.

True romance can't be achieved these days.

Two hearts that beat as one.

Maybe it's not meant to last.

You wanna get in my world, get lost in it.

Know that no matter how many knives we put in each other's backs

that we'll have each other's backs, 'cause we're that lucky.

I thought that I was strong.

Pay the fucking liars that say you can do it alone.

Have you given your best to have the rights to curse everyone for not getting anything back?

It's not helping to know that there's someone worse than you. It makes you feel superior and gloat till you burst with your own pride.

Find me a place where no one else will hear my screams.

Undeserving of your rewards.

It's so easy to crush me.

She's standing on a line between giving up and seeing how much more she can take.

Eventhough you're close to me, you're still so distant.

This love has turned into a staring contest,

the person who can stand the other wins..nothing..coz the game ended.

Go and fuck your own balls.

Don't know how much more we can take.

It would be unfair to stay with something that is no longer there.

I am not as strong as you.

I wish things were different this time.

I think I'll hang on, if you still want me. But if you don't, I guess I'll move on.

Breathe. Live.

"you're mine." Right words, wrong moment.

Two years gone I can't remember.

Just come back when you think it's time.

Your laugh is a song,

your eyes are diamonds.

I'm stuck in the moment.

My heart is open.

You will always be a black star.

Always know that I love you so.

Goodbye, brown eyes.

I've found the best breakup song for us. Damn.

I like your smile, I like your vibe.

Tell me what I want to hear.

Just don't let me down.

All you do is take.

All the thoughts lead back to you.

I think I'll hang on, if you still want me.

I'm here to stay.

A friend knows the song in my heart and sings it to me when my memory fails.

You can kid the world. But not your sister.

In the cookies of life, sisters are the chocolate chips.

Elder sisters never can do younger ones justice!

When mom and dad don't understand, a sister always will.

Gone were the days of hometown glory.

Damn, I'm an emo and disturbed little kid. I love words. Words are beautiful. Okay shut up, don't judge me. Okay lepas ni tak mau tulis emo2 dah :)

Love is all around. Big deal.

2011-02-16T12:42:00.002+08:00

I was browsing through my Facebook Newsfeed just now when I noticed one similar thing; many of my friends are posting photos of their boyfriends/girlfriends in their profiles. Okay, so Valentine's Day was two days ago. Big deal. (Sounds jealous, I know. But I'm not, really!! Okay now I just sound defensive.)

Then I saw my childhood friend and her boyfriend, which is also my friend from primary school and I was shocked that they are currently dating. I don't know why I am so excited about this little news. Maybe because I still remember vividly how they used to fight when we were much younger and how that boy used to tease the girl and her ponytail and all, and now they are stuck with each other, like, so sweet! Okay, so the news is not that life changing, but I'm so happy to see them. Maybe it is the fact that the last time I saw them, we were still carefree little teenagers and now we are already independent adults with lots of responsibilities. That guy already grew a mustache. The girl has already started putting on make up, loosened those ponytails and has become a very fine young lady. Me? I wonder how I've changed through the years. Not much, really.

All I'm saying is, it seems that everyone is deeply in love at the moment, so..keep it up..stay together..don't be naughty..whatever.

"We're all in love tonight..."

- MCR-

Guys and their balls

2011-02-08T21:13:00.001+08:00

I used to think that a girl complaining about her partner being too busy with football is really clingy. They turn every single, small, minute, tiny little problem to be a huge problem. Like, why the hell would you be mad at him? It’s not like he’s cheating on you or anything. It’s just him and a few other guys playing with balls. Okay that didn’t sound right. Or maybe he and his friends are watching other guys playing with balls on TV. Okay that sounded even worse. Yeah, yeah, the point is, it's guys and football. They are inseparable (well, for most of them). Should be no harm. Right?

That is until they start playing football in the evenings until dusk, and again at nights. Then if they are lucky, they will watch all the matches ranging from midnights till dawn. When this happens, I would like to yell,

"I'm feeling you, girls!! I'm so sorry for calling you 'clingy'. I totallyyyyyyy get you!"

Sigh. I am so typical.

=.='

I heard them say,

"Don't let the public know about your love life. Then you won't have any privacy.".

Wait, what love life?

Jewel

2011-02-08T21:00:00.002+08:00

"Not to worry 'cause worry is wasteful

and useless in times like these
I won't be made useless
I won't be idle with despair
I will gather myself around my faith

My heart is small, I know.

But they're not yours, they are my own

I never break it."

In the end only kindness matters.

Inspired by Jewel - Hands.

"Inspired"?? Hah!

Of grey eyes and warm hugs

2011-01-08T02:54:00.001+08:00

You see, last Raya, my grandmother passed away. A few weeks ago, my friend’s father died. A week after that, the father of my sister’s friend died. And today, my friend’s grandfather passed away as well. And they are all happening within this kampung. I have always wondered, what will this place be, say, 20 years from now? Up until now, I would say 80 percent of the people living around here are over 50 years of age. What will happen to this place when everyone is gone? When I say gone, I am not imagining that it will be bombed by Communists (again) or invaded by aliens. It’s just that, the elders will pass away and the young ones sort of fly out of the cocoons, eventually leaving this place that was once known as “home” to come back to during festivals. Well, what will happen next?

Then it occurred to me, what will happen to me if my parents pass away? Will I be able to deal with it? Yesterday I accidentally looked into my Dad's eyes. As I looked into those eyes with the wrinkles and all, I realized that they are not black anymore. Like they used to be. They are now shades of light grey, very light. I am now grasping the throbbing fact that my parents are getting old, and there is nothing I can do to stop it. I simply cannot imagine the day that I will be kissing them goodbye, one last time. Lately my Mom has been jokingly complaining that I am too old to be asking for hugs from her anymore. I just cannot agree with her. You are never too old for hugs. Everyone needs a hug once in a while. For me, I can use them anytime. Plus, she is the only person that I can hug in this world. Who else? Friends won't let me while sisters threaten to kick my ass if I do. But in terms of hugging my Dad, I guess I would have to agree with Mom; I'm too old for that because hugging him would be awkward and pretty inappropriate. But I really really want to! But she let me hug her anyway.

Well the point is, I cannot imagine how my life would be without them. Did they leave this world with content, with wills fulfilled? Or do they still have any unfinished business? Are there any changes in me that they wish to see before they die? Or maybe have I disappoint them in any way when they are alive? And when I am dead too, when all the sins and bad deeds that I have done in this world are being previewed in front of everyone, will they be ashamed of me? Will they drag me to the Heavens with them?

Wedding bells? Wait, make it kompang.

2010-12-31T01:19:00.003+08:00

All my life, I've lived with this fantasy (one of my many, actually) that someday I will eventually get married and settle down somewhere with my new spouse and start a new family together. Then I've even imagined both of us (and maybe some 'little-me's) going back to my parents' house in Kulim during Hari Raya on the first day and back to my spouse's parents' house (wherever it might be) on the next day. Then maybe someday we will argue about where we should celebrate the first day of Raya; my parents' place or his? (This fantasy is thanks to all the Malay dramas that had been feeding me with lots of imagination since I was five).

But now that I'm turning 21, all those dreams seem to wash away from my head, like everything is faded. I don't think I will be content if I get married. Don't get me wrong. It's not that I don't want to get married at all (Mom, you can breathe now). It's just that, I think I will be very used, very taken advantage of if I get married. You see, being the youngest in the family, I often get bullied by my two sisters and brother. They'd ask me to do things for them. Well, not entirely bad things but enough to make me realize that I'm being used. That is after one of them told me,"Siti..benda-benda ni Chaq ja yang boleh suruh Siti buat. Kalau orang lain suruh, Siti jangan buat tau? They are using you. Only I can do that" with a devilish grin. See how naive I was (still am, actually). That's when I realize that I should learn to say "NO".

So, if I ever get married and the spouse of mine would ask me to fix him a drink, and I would think to myself, "Why'd you have to ask me? Can't you do it yourself?" or maybe when he asks me to iron his shirt I would be all like, "Why do I always have to do the ironing? Is it because I'm a woman? Why you chauvinist little pig!". See? I don't want it to get that personal. Sigh.

2010-12-30T19:54:00.002+08:00

And here I am thinking that exes are off-limits.

Simple Things

2010-11-03T04:35:00.002+08:00

I realized that I can be easily satisfied with simpler things.

And I don’t need a one-week-vacation to a sandy beach in a beautiful island or a stay in a 5-star hotel with free breakfast and lunch just to spend time with my family. I've always enjoyed the trips down memory lane to Baling while Mom and Dad showed us the coffee shop where they had their first date over 30 years ago. And I've always enjoyed the long car rides while listening to those Oldies that Dad loves so much.

I realized that hanging out in a mall, shopping for new clothes and shoes and trying out the Coffee Bean's Banana Chocolate ice blended with your girls is really fun. Shrieking and giggling like typical girls while watching Josh Duhamel (Okay I’ve just Googled his name to make sure that I spelled his name right and there goes his photos, ohmygod he’s so hot!!) in the movie theatre is fun sometimes. But I also love the silly trip we had to the deserted Pasir Salak and I still remember how I was scared that the Menara Condong in Teluk Intan would crash to the ground when we climbed the stairs to the top. Singing at the top of our lungs in the car with the girls is enough to make me happy.

I am also content with eating cendol by the roadside rather than having a candlelight dinner with my boyfriend. Accompanying him while he's having his haircut is fun. Especially when he asked for my opinion on which style he should go for. The barber just smiled while waiting for my answer. I was honoured! (Haha okay perasan) But the next time we went to the barber, he had his head almost bald just to annoy me. Zzz. Yeah, I know that sometimes I ask him for a treat of new clothes and Kenny Rogers and Pizza Hut but at the end of the day, it doesn't really matter. I asked him for a dress and I get a Man U jersey. Thanks! Having him around is enough. Plus the cendol, of course.

And now, after a stressful week of being sick and vomiting and spreading the virus to everyone and Analogue Electronics test, Signals and Systems test, Computational Methods test, Health and Safety test, Analogue Electronics lab with Dr Awan, and the unfinished Microprocessor project, I finally have time to do my laundry and have that 20 minutes bath. After shampooing and conditioning and putting on hair mask and hair serum, I feel like Beyonce.

Oh shut up, a girl can dream, aite?

2010-10-09T14:32:00.000+08:00

I miss you, Dad.

Really do.

Girl-next-door kind of wholesomeness

2010-10-06T05:18:00.010+08:00

Have you ever walked into a store and saw THE most gorgeous piece of clothes? Like, a scarf, for example. From the very first time that you set your eyes on it, you knew that you just gotta have it. When you finally do, the moment you buy the top is the moment that you will always remember. The satisfied grin on your face as you walk out of the store and the triumphant face that you wear all day, hoping that people will envy you for having the so-called great scarf when in reality, nobody even cares.

Since then, you wear it all the time, everywhere you go. You love it so much that you wear it with black shirt today, a pink shirt tomorrow, and a white shirt with cardigan the next day. It's like your new favourite thing. The colour fits your eyes, the smooth fabric softly pressed against your face and your head does not look like a watermelon in it. When you take pictures, they come out so great that every profile picture on your Facebook, Blogspot, Twitter, Tumblr and Friendster holds different photos of you with different poses, but the same exact scarf. Secretly, you want all of your friends to see the photos and leave a comment like, “Love the scarf, babe!” or “ Great taste!” or even maybe “I wish I had bought it before you.”. You act all modest and replied, “Oh geezz, thanks!” when in reality, here comes the stupid proud grin again. You even saved THE best looking photo in your cell and set it as wallpaper. You can look at it all day long and it still makes you smile since it makes you look good, it boosts your confidence, and it makes you feel like you’re not that ugly, after all.

Until one day, you took out your laundry from the drier and there it was, your beautiful scarf, beautiful no more, electrostatic and all. I don’t know how to explain this part but when scarves go into the clothes drier, it will come out all sticky with electrostatic. (Wait, “it will come out all sticky with electrostatic”?? Why am I talking like I’m not an engineering student?)You are devastated that it is ruined. Since it is your favourite thing in the world, you still try to make it work. You wear it anyway but it does not look like before. It does not crease nicely at the top part and suddenly your self-esteem falls to freezing point. You become all self conscious and paranoid, feeling ugly and stuff. There goes all the mountain-top confidence and stupid mocking grins of satisfaction.

But you still wear it, while searching for a new replacement. You searched high and low for one that can make you look as good as the former one. You found many, but none topped the ruined scarf. But still, you buy all of them, just to keep your options open. Each day, you keep on buying more and more, creating new looks from time to time. You keep the ruined-electrostatic scarf neatly folded in the closet. That is, until you need more space for the new scarves. Since it is no use for you anymore, you throw it away. You throw the one thing that once made you look so great, with hopes that someday you will find a new one that is more resistant and tough and not so delicate like the old one.

One fine morning, you wake up late and you did not have much time to get all dolled up for class. So you just grab the new shawl that you bought the day before and twist it hurriedly around your head in like, less than a minute. You have a full class from 8 am to 5pm that at the end of the day, you are totally and completely tired. You go into the bathroom to freshen up and there it is, in the mirror; the same face that you used to see not long ago. Your face does not look so bad. That makes you feel good again, despite the all the exhaustions of the day. And there it is; your new favourite.

Learning your lesson from the past experience, you take good care of the new shawl. You handle it with care, full of love, with flowery-smelling fabric softeners and low temperatures for ironing, scared that it will burn and leave a hole in the middle of the clothe, in the heart of it. Here comes your confidence all over again, just this time, it is way wayyyyy better.

One day, you were cleaning out your hardisk since the free space left in your computer is only 1.82GB from 120GB. You went through all your files and folders, searching for useless things to be deleted, until you saw that photo again; the photo that used to be your personal favourite, that used to be your wallpaper, that used to be your profile pictures, with your face smirking and looking all happy and jolly. All the good times and the bad times, all the memories of when you wear the scarf come streaming like a river. You reminisce about how the scarf has been with you all the while. Those were the times when your confidence is sky high. But now, you just smile and tell yourself,

“Those days are over. Now I’ve got a great new one. Although it makes my face look a bit watermelon-y and it does not cover my double chin completely, but it still makes me feel much better. It is like a new look for me. With the new one, I realize that beauty is only skin deep. Physical beauty is superficial. What’s important is that, it makes me FEEL good and that is way better that making me LOOK good. Even though we've been together for more than a year now, crumpled or ironed, I still love you, my new shawl".

I am not THAT shallow to be writing emotionally about shawls and scarves, literally. Zzz

Why I feel like deleting my Facebook account

2010-09-12T09:42:00.002+08:00

I only need two reasons to delete my Facebook account;

~ Some of them are all too mushy mushy about their love lives that it disgusts me. A little is okay, is sweet. But too much is just freaking disgusting.

~ Everyone is having a great Raya with all those status updates and photo uploads. Me, NOT.

Damn.

Eid Eve

2010-09-09T21:28:00.003+08:00

I have always been scared to be proud of something I have, scared that it will be snatched away from me right there and then. But now, I am proud to say that I have a really fabulous support system. But the way that the support is being conveyed is totally wrecked. Other than that, everything is just great.

Thank you.

The drafts

2010-08-03T17:26:00.003+08:00

The drafts that I never posted. Now I guess I am.

You have lived with yourself your whole life. For me, it's twenty years. You know how your mind works, you know how you would feel if certain things go the way they do, you know how you would react when stuff happens. And it is utterly impossible for you to explain yourself to someone who does not know you your whole life; even to those who do know you your whole life. It is almost impossible to tell people what you believe your whole life because they will never understand. They do not know that you have been trying to think positive about everything, that you turn every bad things into good ones just to make yourself feel better, secured, stable. They do not know that you cry yourself to sleep, telling yourself that,

"It's okay. You'll do great later. Don't worry, you'll try harder next time. Don't fret, there's always another chance in life and you're sure gonna grab it".

You kept telling yourself those kind of things until you feel just a little bit too safe, because you stopped worrying about things that you should be worrying. Instead, you changed those worries into motivation to keep yourself going. You are tired of telling yourself that everything is going to be okay. You want to hear it from someone else, other than yourself. You want someone to tell you that they believed in you and they know that you can do it. You just want a reassurance to make you feel safe. But some of them do not know that you have been thinking too positively. People do not know that. They do not know that. People around you judge you, telling you that you yourself need to think positively in order to change. They do not know that that is exactly what you have been doing those past years until it brings you to your damnation. People judge you. People tell you things that they do not know. No one knows you better than yourself.

I was in class today, when I got a text from dad,

"Allah yang tentukan kehidupan manusia (kaya, miskin, pemimpin, rakyat biasa, semua makhluk).

Jangan kita hina dan kutuk kerana semuanya Allah yang jadikan. (Az-zukhrif, ayat 32)"

That surely made my day. When all else fails, at least there is always some people who never stopped believing in you.

die die die

2010-07-15T23:07:00.002+08:00

I'm gonna be found sprawled lifelessly on the floor tomorrow morning if these panick attacks don't stop right this instant.

Burden

2010-07-14T23:59:00.002+08:00

If students (well, some of us) worry about their exam results, what about other people? I mean, adults, grown-ups? I can only imagine a few in this shallow, secluded mind of mine.

- A guy is worried that she's knocked up a girl.
- Or maybe a working guy is worried because he's spent all his paycheck for that new stereo and has no stash left for gas for the whole month.
- Or an 80-year-old worries about his worsening health condition and how he's gonna break the news to his children or something

I don't know. I'm not very good at remembering things but usually when I do, all my memories are filled with worries. Like that time in high school when I wake up a few mornings feeling worried about the presentation that I had to perform later that day. And that time when I was worried like hell when I was about to get my exam results (like, right now!). I guess that's why I'm a little bit paranoid. I worry about things that might or might not happen. I worry about satisfying everyone. I worry about what other people would feel if I do this or that. I worry that people would call me an "emotional freak" (well I'm not really worried about that though). Oh well. I just need to know what other people worry about. I want to feel better. I want to know that other people have other bigger problems to worry about compared to me. I want to know that it is certainly not the end of the world for me. So I gotta stop worrying about what people would feel when they read my blog (well, at least you are reading now, I've always thought that no one reads this blog anymore, thank god). Well whatever.

P/S:

Don't trust everything your friend tells you, like, EVERYTHING. Like what happened around two years back. Why'd you have to go and trust him? OMFG.

Mindless

2010-07-13T23:15:00.004+08:00

A paranoid insecured little freak!

U'huh u'huh!

Great job, well done.

2010-07-05T23:13:00.003+08:00

So here's the thing. There's this frail old lady with a final stage of cancer who went to the doctor for her check-ups. She did not know her conditions yet, because her children are trying to let her know slowly, to avoid any heart attacks despite her other serious health conditions. So when she saw the doctor, she was greeted with,

"Makcik, makcik ada kanser. Kanser makcik ni ganas. Dah merebak kat semua organ."

What the hell, man? She is certainly not ready for such news. You have been her doctor for what, one year now? In just one year, you could see that she is getting thinner and weaker and this is how you break the news? Talk about being a professional. So yeah, it is the hospital's policy to let the patients know about their situations and conditions. But come on, you cannot just drop a bombshell like that! She is 77 years old, for god's sake. You have to be sensitive when it comes to older people. When they get older, they act more like children. Come on. This is common sense. So now she is too down and depressed to even eat anything, let alone take her insulin shots. Being senile, let's just pray hard that she forgets about this by tomorrow. Way to go, doc.

It's back

2010-04-16T02:20:00.004+08:00

It's amazing how a single strum of the guitar can remind you of something you never thought you would ever remember, ever again.

It's wonderful how a familiar smell can bring you back to those days like a mute film in your head.

It's remarkable how a slow, soft hum can make that voice come back to you, even after years of farewell.

It's even better to have that dream again and have that warm fuzzy feelings when you wake up in the morning, knowing that the thought will be stuck in your head for the rest of the day..

Pretty Please

2010-04-13T00:20:00.001+08:00

I want to recover my old blog that I have deleted.
Any psychos ever copied everything that I've written and save them up until now?
Sigh.
Please.

Mushy mushy mushy

2010-04-01T22:26:00.004+08:00

It's funny how God can turn the person you're very close to into your worst enemy,
and how He turns the person you hate the most to be your hero.

What I've learned from this is, stop backstabbing. If you're not comfortable with something or someone, tell it straight to that person's face. No need to keep a friendly face and act as if nothing happened. They won't understand it. And stop acting like an innocent crook. Just be honest, mate. I'm done with all these mean girls stuff and high school drama. We need to grow up.

p/s : Loving this cold weather! I'm getting enough sleep this week, like, finally! Yay!

I woke up today realizing that it had been a while since the status changed to "Happy happier :D" and your profile picture smiling with those shades on. It is exactly 446 days ago! Don't think I'm totally obsessed with you like you've always thought. I counted this during Vector's class. Too much integrals plus numerous yawns made my head ache. So might as well do a simple mathematics of the days I've been Happy happier with you. :D

YIt's weird writing these mushy mushy things here. Sigh.Y

I love you, like so much.

2010-03-17T19:55:00.002+08:00

I've never seen this side of you before.

Zero-zero ok?

I love you so much, my besterous-terousssss-terouussssss friend!

p/s:

I tak penah cakap i love you this sincerely to anyone, secara public taw. You're the first.

Sounds from home

2010-02-26T15:49:00.003+08:00

Tadi call abah sebab nak complain pasal orang yang repair laptop yang tak guna tu dah la charge mahal, ada hati lagi nak tipu aku mintak service charge transfer data RM50 padahal satu data pun takdak, semua hilang. Tak guna. Anyways, dah la tengah membara-bara cerita, abah pulak dok "Hmm..", "Yaka?", "Tu la..bagi jatuh laptop lagi" blablabla ala-ala tak interested pun nak layan aku kutuk orang tu sebenaqnya. Then dah habis cakap tu, abah dok nyanyi lagu pok amai amai pulak, versi untuk Esya.

Pok amai-amai

belalang kupu-kupu

tepuk bagi pandai

emak upah susu

susu lemak manis

santan kelapa muda

tok jangan menangis

tokwan nak kawen dua

I miss home.
:)

And I Mean Every Word

2010-02-10T20:33:00.000+08:00

Whataya Want From Me lyrics - Adam Lambert

Hey, slow it down

Whataya want from me

Yeah, I'm afraid

Whataya want from me

There might have been a time

I would give myself away

(Ooh) Once upon a time

I didn't give a damn

But now here we are

So whataya want from me

Whataya want from me

Just don't give up

I'm workin' it out

Please don't give in

I won't let you down

It messed me up, need a second to breathe

Just keep coming around

Hey, whataya want from me

Whataya want from me

Yeah, it's plain to see

That baby you're beautiful

And it's nothing wrong with you

It's me... I'm a freak

But thanks for lovin' me

Cause you're doing it perfectly

There might have been a time

When I would let you step away

I wouldn't even try but I think

You could save my life

Just don't give up

I'm workin' it out

Please don't give in

I won't let you down

It messed me up, need a second to breathe

Just keep coming around

Hey, whataya want from me

Whataya want from me

Just don't give up on me

I won't let you down

No, I won't let you down

Just don't give up

I'm workin' it out

Please don't give in

I won't let you down

It messed me up, need a second to breathe

Just keep coming around

Hey, whataya want from me

Just don't give up

I'm workin' it out

Please don't give in

I won't let you down

It messed me up, need a second to breathe

Just keep coming around

Hey, whataya want from me

(Whataya want from me)

Whataya want from me

The song says it all. I'm sorry.

Untie

2010-02-07T02:17:00.003+08:00

Now, a black shirt and a red tie with the sleeves rolled up plus a ruffled dirty hair. And no, I'm not talking about four years ago. Well..is it four years already? Anyway, in a sea of million faces, we're exchanging glances.

Perfect.

Sick Cycle Carousel

2010-01-29T18:31:00.003+08:00

Lifehouse - Sick Cycle Carousel

If shame had a face, I think it would kind of look like mine.

If it had a home, would it be in my eyes?

Would you believe me if I said I am tired of this

Well here we go, now one more time,

I tried to climb your steps,

I tried to chase you down,

I tried to see how low I could get down to the ground,

I tried to earn my way,

I tried to change this mind,

You better believe that I tried to beat this.

When will this end, it goes on and on

Over, and over, and over again.

Keep spinning around I know it won't stop,

Till I step down from this for good

I never thought I'd end up here

I never thought I'd be standing where I am

I guess I kind of thought it would be easier than this,

I guess I was wrong

Now one more time,

chorus

This is a sick cycle carousel

This is a sick cycle carousel, yeah

It's weird how you can find a song that is a perfect match to your mood.

Perfect.

Miseryyyyyy

2010-01-20T21:26:00.005+08:00

I didn't bring the car because...

` I need to exercise because when I walk more, I would go to the toilet more, and when I go to the toilet more, I would be healthier, and when I'm healthier, I think these headaches and senile problem would go away. Plus, I need to lose some weigh, duh.

` I need to sweat more. To make me more healthy, yeah.

` I've got to stop jumping into every opportunities of going out.

` I need to learn how to grow up and be matured and balance my needs and wants. I need to learn that walking to class is a "need" and turn it into a "wants". And realize that going to KFCs every weekend is a "want" and going to Ipoh for shopping and movies is a "waste-of-time".

Goodbye to...

` Pasar Malam (Nasi Lemak Ayam Berempah yang serius sangat sedap nak mampus. Sob!)

` KFC (Batu Gajah. Yang kat Taman Maju tu pun tak jejak kaki lagi)

` Ipoh (Kenny Rogers! Johnny's! Secret Recipe!)

` Manjung (The cinema that has the best popcorn ever)

` Lumut (Overnights!)

` Teluk Batik (Goodbye to the dreams of going on the banana boat and knowing us, screaming like hell)

Tapi bila dah tak bawak kereta..

` Setiap kali ada kelas kat Poket C, mesti berharap "Kalau la ada kereta" padahal time bawak kereta dulu tak pernah pun drive pi Poket C.

` Susah nak beli tiket kat Medan Gopeng and nak cari transport untuk pi Medan Gopeng. Arghhh

` Segannya la nak mintak tolong banyak-banyak kat orang yang bawak kereta untuk tolong beli tiket bas and itu ini. Bukan ego, ok? Tapi segan. Tapi eventually mintak jugak.

Complain! Complain! Complain! Cuba bersyukur sikit! Hish!

By the way, anyone care to share a cab with me this CNY? RM50 is just too much for a gal..

It's the end of life

2010-01-14T22:57:00.002+08:00

Bismillah..

Before my life is officially over in less than 24 hours from now, I would like to say thank you very much to my family for letting me stay at home for the whole two wonderful months. I would totally understand if you decide to kick me out tomorrow. I want to let you know that this two months are the best that I have ever had in my life. It was all about our family and we've never been close since forever. I would cherish every second of it and I would love to come home every month if you would let me. I'm sorry for all the disappointments that I've caused and as usual, I hope I could turn back the time.

Maybe I should email this to my Dad. Hurm.

Today I was like, "Maaaaak.... Maaaaak..." with this sappy, pathetic face and Mom was like, "Haa..ni sindrom nak keluaq result la ni" and I was like, "Maaaaak.... Maaaaak...." with more puppy-eyed face and she was like, "Diam la aih Siti..bising ngat aih" and I was like, "SOB!".

Having a roommate means..

2010-01-07T00:40:00.002+08:00

I got it from lots of listssssss here.

These are some of the biggest things you and your roommate will find yourself disagreeing about:

	*Bathroom* Yaka? Tak pun. Kami tak berebut bilik air pun. Siap mandi bilik air sebelah-sebelah lagi kan? Sambil sembang-sembang. Baling-baling air..err..euw
	*Bills* What bills? We divide everything! Even the tax and service charge and Neslo Makcik Sayang, everything kot.
	*Phone* We've got our own cell phones. Mine is always on silent mode and her alarm is very annoying (trademark. Haha) which is a great thing because boleh la bangun kalau dengaq alarm dia bunyi tiap-tiap pagi walaupun kadang-kadang alarm dia tu ada atas meja dia dan dia tak sedaq apa-apa so I have to get up and turn it off. Ok defensive sedikit.
	*Food* What? The biggest jar of Nutella? Kami kongsi-kongsi kot. Hehe
	*Television* Kalau ada pun, maybe we'll end up watching our own favourite movies together, Tapi tak tau la. My roommate kadang-kadang RARE sikit. Hehe
	*Space* Our laundry basket is in the middle of the room, the iron and the ironing board is in the middle too. What else?
	*Clothes* Clothes on the floor? Noooo.. Clothes everywhere else? Yeahhh!
	*Noise* You mean, both of us with our headphones on singing along loudly to different tunes. We can survive. But others in the house, I'm not sure.
	*Sleeping schedules* She's a night owl. She'll sleep at 4am or 5am while I can barely stand until 12am.
	*Locking the door* We LOVE locking the door!! Walaupun kadang-kadang bila dia sorang-sorang, dia memang akan kunci pintu. God knows what she's doing in there. wink
	*Personal stuff* She has hers stashed away secretly and I have mine. Yaka? And sorry for getting into a cat fight just to read your diary. Well, you read some of my personal stuff! Best still, I emailed you some of them! So much for my "personal" stuff.
	*The significant other who is always around* You mean, Syarmimi Liyana? Erm..we're ok with it. I mean, her.
	*Delivering phone messages* If I'm not around, she won't pick up my phone if it is ringing and I won't either. We complete each other, 'aite? :D
	*Turning lights off* HMMMMM.... She sleeps with the lights on. IF she sleeps first which is very RARE, I would surely turn off the lights. Ya Allah ya Tuhanku, bagi la dia tidoq awai tiap-tiap malam lepas ni. Amiinnnn.

I am 20, going on 21. Lalala~

2010-01-05T01:52:00.013+08:00

Ok I'm now *cough* twenty years old *cough*. Two oh.

So here are some list of things that I should do before reaching 20 from Seventeen Magazine.

1.Take a road trip.
We've been planning this since forever. We planned to start off early in the morning and start exploring Perak. (Perak dulu. Pastu jauh sikit, Cameron ka, pastu Genting then maybe KL? Hahaha!) Singing at the top of our lungs and just have fun for a day or two. Well, InsyaAllah. *Wink*

2. Learn to play a musical instrument.
I want to learn how to play a guitar. It's just awfully pathetic to have one and not knowing how to play it. It's like having those big bulging DSLR cameras just because you have the money but not even knowing how to use it. Worst still, you use it to take pictures of yourself. Get a camera phone, would ya?! Ok cool. (Guitar pink guitar pink guitar pink)

This is cute.

Or this one.

Ok this is too..much?

3. Go skinny-dipping!
According to Wiki, "Nude swimming (colloquially called skinny dipping, also spelled skinny-dipping) is swimming naked, i.e. without any swimsuit. Skin(ny) diving is both used as a synonym and for free diving". What?!! I can't even swim! Left alone swimming naked! I need all the life jackets I can have.

Ok no pics included because it's too..erm..explicit?

4. Save $1,000.
According to Moneycentral, $1,000 equals to RM3,398.00009. I'm not sure but Dad keeps my other bank book so it's impossible for me to get hold of the money except if I'm buying a car, or maybe a house, or maybe get married. Hah.

5. Know your grandparents.
I only know my two grandmothers. One of them passed away when I was twelve so now I only have another one left.

Didn't know I have this. Haha

6. Buy a lottery ticket.
Astaghfirullah. Nonsense nonsense.

7. Win an award.
What? For having the most pink stuff? I can't award myself. Other should. Maybe I'll run for MPPUTP and get awarded for my hard work for preparing more parking spaces for the students. (As if layak nak jadi calon untuk MPPUTP. Nak cakap depan kelas pun takut. Ceh)

8. Say "I love you."
Don't say it if you don't mean it. It's sacred.

9. Learn to drive a stick shift.
I AM driving a stick! I mean, I once did. Until the little PEM got sold. I'm not sure if I still remember how to drive a stick though. The last time was when my brother offered to drive his new car and I drove using first gear all through the 200 metres I think and realized that I was driving in a wrong lane. Silly. (Rindu PEM. Really. Sigh)

10. Milk a cow.
What cow? There are lots of buffaloes in front of UTP though. Can I milk them instead?

11. Forgive someone.
Her? And him? And her? And them? Oh what the hell. Just get over it already. They are all teenagers back then. Just grow up and forget about them.

12. Have your fortune told.
I want to! Though I know that I shouldn’t. But it’s just for fun, like reading the horoscopes and being surprised that it is so similar to your real life. I mean, it’s cool.

13. Go to a drive-in.
You mean those drive-in theatres? If there is such thing as drive-in in Ipoh or even in Malaysia, I would totally go. Then maybe we’ll get to see some real-life love scenes acted out in front of us. Haha.

Isn't this cool?

14. Do your own laundry.
10 years ago, I used to get very excited when I had to wash my own clothes as the washing machine broke down. But now, with all the technology, I can’t even remember the last time I did my own laundry. Maybe someday. Someday.

15. Ride a horse.
Err..my Dad won’t allow. But maybe someday I would try and it would turn out to be very fun! Though I repeat, the only big animals around me are those buffoloes outside UTP.

16. Donate your formal dresses.
I’ve got no formal dresses but maybe I can donate my clothes that I can’t wear anymore to the needy.

17. See the ocean.
Does the beaches count as ocean? But it is indeed my favourite place actually. So propose me at the beach! Or ocean, in this case.

18. Waitress at least once.
Smiling and be all pleasent, taking other people’s orders? And if I get lucky, I might need to mop the floor afterwards? Yeah, maybe once. That is if it’s in Kenny Rogers so I would get free muffins!

19. See one thing that is "the world's largest."
Hurm. So I get to brag to other people that I’ve seen this and that? Yeah sure! (Candi Lembah Bujang yang dekat dengan rumah tu pun baru p sekali. Tu pun masa kecik-kecik dulu)

20. Leave the country.
Anywhere, please Abah???? But Indonesia is better. Who knows, there would be serendipity anywhere.

21. Learn how to love your body.
I have to stop complaining about being too short, having not enough hair, being too fat or whatsoever. Just love your body and be thankful that you can use it better than anyone else.

Though your body does not look like this. Sigh.

Old resolutions, achieved?

2009-12-31T10:28:00.002+08:00

Since it's the last day of 2009, let's refer back to my 2009 new year resolutions.

Ok let's just copy and paste.

New year’s hopes and dreams.

1.To be a better person in every way.

No one can be the best so I guess there are still some space where I can improve. (Denial. Padahal tak jadi better person pun. Huhu)

2.To study harder so that at the end of each sem, i won’t have to say things like “takotnya tunggu result!!” or “susahnya exam!!” or “mati la aku bila kuaq result nnt”.. (haha..this one macam susah ja nak capai..tapi, not impossible, kn?)

I'm still saying those lines so I guess I still haven't achieved that target. Hurm.

3.Really really hope i can continue my studies in utp, amiin..

I did! Yay! Hahahaha

4.Hope i can go back to a happy and supportive family all the time.

I have a supportive family, up until now. Wait until the results come, I'm dead.

5.Hope i can stay close to my friends, hope there will not be any crisis, please oh please.

I think we've bonded even more than ever. Love the girls!

6.Hope to have no enemies in utp, please oh please. Life would be hell if i do.

I don't think I have any. Well, I hope so.

7.Hope to wear baju kurung more often??...gurls?? =)

I did! I did! Tu pun sebab dah makin gemuk and baju semua tak muat so baju paling besaq yang ada pun baju kurung. So terpaksa la pakai baju kurung tiap-tiap hari. Ceh niat tak betul.

8.Hope there will be less drama and fuss in my life next year.. please oh please oh please.

Ermmm...better than last year, so improvement la kan?

9.Hope to forget everything bad that happened last year.

This will take another few years to achieve.

10.Hope to be stronger spiritually and physically..haha

Physically, I don't think so. Spiritually, I don't know. Maybe yes, maybe no. God knows.

11.Hope to be taller,i doubt.

It's impossible.

12.Hope to be a much much much better cook!!

I am! I am! Not the best, but at least better than last year, ey?

13.Hope to fit in an XS-sized Giordano tshirt (just a dare from a guy in class..i doubt i would fulfill it..haha)

Get lost.

Apa yang aku achieve sebenaqnya tahun ni???? Ya Allah!! Teruk btoy!

At last!

2009-12-30T22:56:00.002+08:00

Ok nak jadi typical girl yang brag sana sini sebab memang nak brag pun! Ok, tak la brag, tapi excited gila and nak share happiness, boleh tak? Still dikira riak ka? Ok never mind. So, setelah menyimpan perasaan jealous terhadap kawan-kawan especially budak-budak bilik nombor lima tu yang masing-masing macam perempuan melayu terakhir sebab pandai masak, buat kuih raya, jahit baju dan macam-macam lagi, aku telah bertekad untuk belajar memasak! Menjahit tu lambat sikit la kot. Soo...sepanjang cuti, cuba la masak itu ini sikit. Time baru-baru nak mula hari tu, bila offer nak masak lunch ja, mesti bapak aku cakap,

"Abah beli lauk la hari ni. Siti goreng ikan ja".

Hah. Dah tu bila nak belajar? Dah nak dekat dua puluh tahun tapi masak ikan goreng pun kadang-kadang hancur. Soooo..first day dengan skemanya, bukak buku resipi and ikut bulat-bulat. Mak balik lunch ja, kritik la sana sini. Ok takpa, kritikan membina. Esok cuba lagi. Sampai la makanan tu ala-ala edible. Kira ok la tu. Tapi one problem, aku memang tak suka makan apa yang aku masak. Dari dulu. Rasa macam mana ntah. Macam tak perfect. Tak complete. Tah. Tu lauk punya cerita.

Pastu konon-konon nak try la buat kek pulak. Malas la nak buat muffin kecik-kecik ni. Macam typical girls yang buat semata-mata nak bagi boyfriend makan. Urgh. Get a life. (Ceh. Konon) So try la buat kek. I love pisang and chocolate. So try la buat kek pisang chocolate chip nama dia. Resipi ni untuk muffin tapi malas nak susun cawan kertas kecik-kecik tu so tuang ja semua dalam acuan. Tapi banyak sangat chocolate chip kot so melekat habis semua and boleh dikira sebagai tak jadi. Fine. So beberapa hari kemudian, try buat lagi. Dah la buat time malam-malam. Bila excited kek dah siap, by that time satu rumah dah tidur. Huh. The second one was a plain chocolate cake. Rasa dah sedap. Tapi macam tak naik. Leper ja. Kak chik cakap, quote,

"Tak macam kek. Macam bengkang".

Hampeh. Mak punya la tak puas hati, kenapa kek tu tak jadi sebab selama ni dia buat jadi ja. Maybe I don't have the touch kot. Dia investigate habis and finally find out that aku letak some tepung naik sendiri or something instead of sodium bicarbonate. Kalau takdak benda tu, memang tak kan naik la kek tu. Mana nak tau. Mak cakap,

"Patut la tak naik langsung kek tu. Tu pun dia gagah naik sebab teloq ja".

Oookei. So hari ni, try buat cookies pulak. Surprisingly, jadi!! Macam biskut Famous Amos yang mahal tuuuu.. Resipi mak memang best! Memandangkan tengah semangat, nak try buat kek lagi. So ajak la abah cari acuan kek bentuk love (memang dasar perempuan bimbo yang typical). Abah pun layan ja. Mula-mula cari kat Giant, takdak, So ajak abah cari kat Tesco, takdak jugak. At last ajak abah cari kat kedai kek, baru la jumpak (like, DURHHH!). Yang bestnya, abah layan ja. Terharu pun ada. So siap lah kek coklat saya yang berbentuk LOVE! Malas nak include gambar sebab belum letak moist dia and conteng "Happy Birthday To Me!!". Pathetic gila buat kek hari jadi untuk diri sendiri. (Cukupkah hint di situ?)

Whatever. Sungguh seronok sebab kek finally jadi. The best part is, I realize that I'm not doing this to impress anyone else. I know that most people around me doesn't really eat cakes but I just want to try and prove to myself that I can do it! Kan bagus kalau semangat ni ada time study. Sigh. And I'm not doing this just to impress a guy or make the girls jealous (because I know they don't and they surely won't). I'm just doing it for fun. Wth. Ok ok nak take one last look at the cake then sleep.

my life.not.

2009-12-07T13:47:00.004+08:00

Ok so it's my 104th day of being here. Yay! I've had my hair blonde, blue, pink and all sorts of colours, pigtails, buns and etc. I've rented my own apartment and finally got the chance to be independent and be out of my parents' house. Phew! I started from the very beginning. Being a baker doesn't give me much but it is enough to pay the rent and bills. When I first got there, I was invited to a party and was required to bring a partner. Shoot! I didn't have one yet. A friend suggested that I hit the club. So I thought, "What the hell" and just gave it a try. After a few nights spent there, I finally got a boyfriend! His name is *****, an old actor. We had fun for a few weeks but then I can't sem to find the same feelings I used to have for him. So i decided that it was time to end everything. I told him that it was over but he couldn't let me go. I had to try very hard and finally he gave up. What's the point of being with someone who doesn't love you anyway, right? After we broke up, I went on an eating binge. How was I to know that it would be affect me that much. I kept on eating chocolates and ice creams to keep my mind off of things. Little that I know that I was putting on weight, really fast. So when I finally come to my senses, I hit the gym everyday and started eating healthy again. But still, I wasn't that happy. So I went to town and got a haircut! And I woke up one day, I decided to be a hairstylist! So I went for training and finally got a job in the coolest salon in town. After sometime, I got bored and decided that it was time to move on. So there I was, back in the club, trying to hit on guys. After a few days of trying (realy hard), there I was with this cute, hot guy who looks like some rock star who dated Amy Winehouse. A few weeks passed and I decided that beauty isn't everything but looking good never did any harm. So I had a facelift. It cost me a lot, but then it's beauty we're talking about here! The I ha an offer to be a plus-sized model. Is it that obvious? So I had to put on more weight so that I could gain those vivacious curves. It was fun for a while. But then my boyfriend was not happy with my facelift (and those curves, I guess) so we broke up, leaving me with that body. Darn. So I worked really hard to get those great curves that I had before and it paid me well. So now life has never been better. So far I've got 3 boyfriends, I think. No, wait, or is it 4. Oh, I've lost count. *wink* But now I'm with this great Italian guy who gives me lots of money everyday. Now I'm on training to be a secretary and I'm saving my money to get a breast implant. Do you think it will be okay? You think he'll like it? We'll see!

Okay. So that is my bimbo's life. The truth is, I woke up at 9 am yesterday when my sister's 7-month-old baby girl started to cry beside me. So I took her to the living room, turned on the TV, tossed some toys to her and turned on the computer. She started to bug me, so I took off her clothes and got her bathed, got her all dolled up and gave her milk. I was hoping that she would fall asleep but no, her round eyes were staring back at me, wanting me to play with her, I guess. So I put her in her (kerusi roda, what is it called again?) and started to make funny faces and fake baby talks. Oh God. After a few minutes of being a retarded adult, I went to the kitchen to fix some breakfast for myself. Surprisingly, she followed me. Haha. So to be fair, I blend her porridge so that I can feed her while I'm eating my breakfast in front of the TV. That went well. But still, she wouldn't sleep. So I gave her some plain water and she nearly choked to death (exxxaggerrattee. Ok just some coughs, two or three) and continued playing. She started to make sounds again so i gave her bottle of water again and FINALLY she fell asleep. I returned to the kitchen and realized that I was watching a cooking channel all morning. What has gotten into me?! After about an hour of nap, she woke up so I have to play with her again and then put her to sleep again, I mean, get her to sleep. It was 3pm and I was the one who fell asleep first. She just wouldn't take her nap! And I dreamt that I was hit by a few buffaloes and foxes when I was driving. I was hit by them, not I hit them. WHAT THE HELL AM I TALKING ABOUT?!! Ok I'm shutting up.

p/s : malas gila nak baca balik and check for grammatical errors or whatever. tah hapa2 tah aku tulis. adoi.

Baby

2009-11-28T17:38:00.005+08:00

Name : Muhammad Hariz Zakwan bin Mohd Hamzali

Date of birth : 25 November 2009

Time of birth : 12.59pm

Weight : 3.4kg

Length : (erm..lupa)

Welcome home, Hariz! (Sorry, I don't think I will call you "Zakwan" because it feels so weird and brings back old flames and memories. Haha emo) Sekarang boleh lah kawan dengan Aleesya, kan? Sorry Aleesya, I forgot (intentionally) to make any tributes to you 8 months ago since I was too busy being jealous of you. Haha.. Now that Hariz is here, you are no longer Tokwan's little girl.

So now we can be friends :)

(Perlu la nak kangkang macam tu kan? Haish..)

This is Nur Aleesya Insyiroh (nama macam dalam novel *sigh*). Dia lahir time aku tengah test English II time foundation sem II. See?? I'm not that forgetful, okey?! So sekarang ni dia dalam lapan bulan lebih kurang kot. Malas la nak kira (ceh..macam tak ikhlas gila nak blog). Sejak dia lahir, aku makin dilupakan. I used to get all the attention from my parents, but now that she's here, she's the center of attention, which is somehow good in a way. (Ok..dah jadi hati ke hati pulak). Anywayyyy! Dia memang sangat comel and adorable (ok riak di sini) and bulat. Dia tak layan tedy bear teddy bear semua ni. Kalau bagi kat dia teddy bear, dia tolak tepi. Sebaliknya, dia sanggup merangkak ke nun jauh di sana kalau dia nampak remote control TV atau handphone. Dia cukup suka main dengan handphone (wonder where she got that from). It's her teether. Tak tau la kenapa dia tak gigit benda teether lembik-lembik dia tu. Nak jugak gigit handphone. Haish.

Buat masa sekarang, dia kurang minat dengan Hariz. Maybe dia rasa tergugat kot sebab dia dah tak jadi center of the attention anymore. That's what I felt dulu, okey?!! Hahaha..childish sungguh. Takpa Aleesya, kita gang dua orang ek? Geng terbuang. Inilah dia bila dia ada dekat dengan Hariz

(Hariz and Aleesya)

(Ni time Aleesya tak sedaq ada makhluk lain kat sebelah dia.)

(Ni time dia dah sedaq..tengok pulak Tok dia dok pegang orang lain selain dia, terus jeles.

Belajaq dari mana tak tau. Ehem.)

(Perlu la nak buat muka macam tu kan..aish)

(Ni Aleesya time dia 4, 5 hari kot..tah tak ingat)

(Ni Hariz time dia 2, 3 hari..tah tak ingat)

Spot the difference. Same tudung. Same shirt. Different babies. It it seriously unintentional. Sungguh la bimbo.

(Aleesya)

(Hariz)

Same bakul, different babies.

What am I doing updating my blog about babies?! Oh my God. Siap tertidoq lagi time tulis blog ni. Nampak sangat tak ikhlas. Oh well. Will be spending TWO MONTHS with Aleeysa while her Mommy goes to work. I'm looking forward to our two months together, Aleesya! Can't wait!

(Ends with a fake smile plastered on the writer's face.)

All the exam blues..washed away..

2009-11-26T09:13:00.004+08:00

"Weh..bila exam start weh?"

"Eyy..exam next week laa..aku tak start study lagi..camne ni"

"Aku ni?? Tak nak cakap lak an"

"Aku pun! Statics susah dowhh"

"Taknak tanya DGE kitorang plak..apa pun tak study lagi ni"

"Eleh..banyak la ko tak study lagi..yang selama ni gi irc tu ape??"

"Ala..takde maknenyeeee"

"Eleh..ko kan genius..tak study pun boleh score"

"Hotak kau aku genius..aku ngarut je dalam exam tu"

"Ngarut la sangat..semua yang ko ngarut tu betul kott..huhh!"

"Tah hang neh! Hang tau dak kita ada gap 10 hari untuk last paper?"

"Budak EE last sekali habis paper..siot betul"

"Takpe la..gap 10 hari tu boleh kita gi Tambun. Yay!"

"A'ah..tak pun kita gi Kellie's Castle ke.."

"Konvoi pangkor jom!"

Ok ok dah lari dari topik. Sebenaqnya, nak cakap.. Ni la ayat-ayat familiar yang selalu didengari sebelum exam (colour coordinated, ok?). Pejam celik pejam celik, sekarang ni dah habis dah semua tu. Semua dah balik cuti. Dua bulan kat rumah pulak tu. I'm gonna miss you guys sooooooo much!!!

2012...zzzzz

2009-11-24T23:18:00.002+08:00

So..finally, EXAM IS OVER!

And to celebrate, gagah la pi tengok cerita 2012 yang Mimi dah bising sangat nak tengok tu. Kalau tak tengok, sampai sem depan pun dia akan ungkit. Tahan la telinga. Huhu. So far ramai yang dah tengok cerita yang dah fully-booked everytime kitorang check kat Jusco tu. Terpaksa la kami book online, and siap print tiket tu kat IRC lagi.

And the review of the movie is..

Taubat la cepat weyyyy..huhu

My Family (tajuk macam karangan budak sekolah rendah)

2009-11-15T17:07:00.005+08:00

(malas dah nak edit so that gambaq budak kecik pompuan tu fit into the picture. penat lah try)
Tak sedaq pulak ada 9 orang plus 2 kucin dalam family neh. Can you find me? The one yang terbuang tuu..yang hujung tuu.. Terpaksa letak 2 ekoq kucin untuk mengelakkan nampak terlalu terbuang..huhu
Whatever it is, I love all of you.:D

Exam Mood

2009-11-13T10:36:00.002+08:00

Got my playlist checked,

i wanna be trapped in a sound proof room,

screaming along to angry chick songs,

full blast.

There's no need to read this post coz it's mainly complains and is just a waste of time. Sigh.

2009-11-10T17:09:00.008+08:00

It all started with me waking up at 8.15 am and the first thing that came to mind was, "Damn! Semalam tak bangun!". Sigh. The night before, I planned to sleep for one hour and wake up at midnight to continue doing some DE. I set my alarm to 12.00 (forgetting that it was set to 24-hours system). Very clever. I didn't ask my housemates to wake me up because they were already asleep by that time. Little that I know, they woke up later to study. Darn, how I felt so low. They were all up studying, and there I was sleeping and dreaming that exam was over, seriously.

(Mental note: never sleep for one hour and claim that you will wake up later. You really can't do it, Rosma!).

So i got up and got ready to go to the library. Honestly, I really can't stay near that bed. We went there and study and stuff. As expected, the alarm rang off at 12 noon. Darn. Then Farah came with the pendrive. The next thought of the day, "AW tak siap lagi!!".

(Mental note : Stop all last minute thingy. Period).

So Mimi did some editing here and there while Farah and I went for Zohor. By today, I realized that it's hard to please everybody.

I asked Farah and Awang to join me for lunch and she said,

"Takpe la..korang g la makan dua orang. Jangan lupa bawak Mimi".

Okay. So I asked Mimi to join us for lunch and she said,

"Takpe la..korang g la makan. Aku nak makan petang kang".

After a lot of persuasion, she still wouldn't budge. So okay. I said to him,

"Jom2..pi makan"

And he said,

"Takpe la..awak pi la makan ngan diorang..".

Hmm.

So i went back to the library.

It's very complicated, really. But maybe I'm the one who made it complicated. Trying to satisfy everyone but really, it's impossible. Sorry you guys, I really don't know what to do anymore.

(Mental note : Stop trying to please everyone. Do not think too much of what others would feel. Consider yourself sometimes).

Mimi finished with the editing, so I was supposed to print and compile it. Okay. so I went downstairs to the information counter to print and the person in charge said,

"Hari ni takleh print la, dik.. Printer out of ink".

(Mental note : I've got to check out what's wrong with my printer and get it fixed).

Darn. It was 4.15pm and the office closes at 5.00pm. So I rushed upstairs to get the car keys and went out to the parking lot. Great. There's a car behind mine. Not directly behind but there wasn't enough space to reverse. Okay. Took a deep breath, keys in the ignition, started the engine. Tried getting out of the parking space a few times and failed. I'm an amateur driver. It is really hard, okay?! It was only a few minutes after getting into the car that the rain poured like, SO HEAVILY. So I was stuck in the car while some idiot parked behind me and I really can't go anywhere. Perfect way to spend my two before-the-final-exam days. After a lot of cursing, blood, sweat and tears, I stopped trying and just sat there, feeling stupid. The clouds were still not showing any sign that the rain was gonna stop anytime soon. Cursing alone really did not help so the next thought that came to mind was,

"Bismillah..last try".

Took a deep breath, and started to shift the gear to reverse. It's hard to look at the rear view mirror since it was raining so heavily. I don't care anymore if I hit that car behind me. It's his fault anyway, it's not even a parking space. So yeah, I finally managed to get out. Yay!

(Mental note : Really, cursing does not help anything).

What an amateur. Huh. Once I was out, I didn't know where I should head to. The original plan was to go to a printing shop but then, the rain..hmm.. Not knowing what to do, texted them, saying that it is impossible to get everything ready before 5pm so we agreed to submit it tomorrow. By that time, my phone was out of battery. Perfect timing. Great. One problem settled. Next, I didn't know where to go in that rain. So I drove back to V3, while trying to figure out how to run in the HEAVY RAIN (okay..I've mentioned this part before) in this white baju kurung. So I drove around and parked somewhere really close to the entrance so that I can just dart out of the car without being drenched. Before going out, I searched for any umbrellas in the car. Darn. None. If I'm not mistaken, I have six umbrellas back in the room. Great. As if it would rain in the room. So i hoped to be lucky and ran to the back of the car to check if there were any umbrellas. Now, it's a problem to open that boot. I had to go back and forth in the rain just so the boot would pop up. Never mind, I was too happy to see the white and red umbrella to be mad at the boot.

(Mental note : Never laugh at your dad when he insisted on putting seven umbrellas in the car, literally).

Just imagine, by that time, I was totally drenched from top to bottom in my white baju kurung. Okay stop imagining.

(Mental note : Do not wear baju kurung if it looks like it's gonna rain. especially if it's white).

I even took a slightly longer route which do not require me to walk pass staring eyes, which is the cafe, and rushed back to the room, dripping wet, literally, again. So..that is my luck for today. Well, it's not even a day. I still have another 6 hours to go. Wait, it's 6pm already?! God!! Okay. So here I am in my room eating a steaming hot bowl of Maggi. You never disappoint me, dear. I can't go back to the library. The rain is too..okay I've mentioned it. I'll continue my DE here. Then the next thought came,

"Lecture notes ngan buku semua ada kat library lah! Shoot!".

Nine Phrases Women Love..

2009-11-07T14:14:00.002+08:00

1. Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2. Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3. Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing g usually end in fine.

4. Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!

5. Loud Sigh: This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6. That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7. Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you’re welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says ‘Thanks a lot’ - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say “you’re welcome”; that will bring on a “whatever”):

8. Whatever: Is a woman’s way of saying SCREW YOU!

9. Don’t worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?’ For the woman’s response refer to #3.

TenderButtons

So this means that women should really just shut up? Women complicate themselves. It's like talking to aliens sometimes. Do that to please a woman, do this to make her smile. Don't make her cry. Act as if you're interested when she's telling you about her little newfound pimple. Be there for her, don't be there for her. Give her attention, not too much though. Take her to 5-star restaurants, and not some cheap stalls.

How to make a woman happy? Easy. A man only needs to be a friend (being understanding), a lover (a passionate one), a companion (be there when she's bored), a driver (take her everywhere she wants, anytime), a listener (a very good one since you'll need to survive the one hour ramble on how much weight she's been putting on lately), and all the typical things; funny, caring, true, faithful, dependable, passionate and stuff. Oh and not to forget, you'll need to compliment her all the time though she looks like hell, you've got to love shopping and don't show a single sign of boredom. You'll also need to be rich to buy her stuff, and you'll have to restrain yourself from looking at other girls while you're with her (I know it's hard for you guys. Pffttt). At the same time, you should never be jealous of her guy friends because then she'll feel over protected. But then you still need to be jealous because if you don't, she'll think that you don't care anymore. You should also give her lots of space and never worry about where she goes and who she's with. And the main thing, NEVER forget birthdays and anniversaries and all the plans she makes. You'll be dead if you do.

Woah..what am I, a guy here? Sorry, blame the hormones in me. Sometimes girls are such a pain. Does that include me? Hahaha..

Should have gone to the library just now. Look what I'm doing now. Sigh.

~sixteen~

2009-11-06T02:27:00.002+08:00

Taylor Swift - Fifteen

You take a deep breath and you walk through the doors

It's the morning of your very first day

You say "Hi" to your friends you ain't seen in a while

Try and stay out of everybody's way

It's your freshman year and you're gonna be here

For the next four years in this town

Hoping one of those senior boys will wink at you and say

"You know I haven't seen you around, before"

'cause when you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you

You're gonna believe them

And when you're fifteen

Feeling like there nothing to figure out

Well count to ten, take it in

This is life before who you're gonna be

Fifteen

You sit in class next to a redhead named Abigail

And soon enough you're best friends

Laughing at the other girls who think they're so cool

Well be out of here as soon as we can

And then you're on your very first date and hes got a car

And you're feeling like flying

And you're mommas waiting up and you think hes the one

And you're dancing round your room when the night end

When the night ends

'cause when you're fifteen and somebody tell you they love you

You're gonna believe them

When you're fifteen and your first kiss

Makes your head spin round but

In your life you'll do things greater than dating the boy of the football team

But I didn't know it at fifteen

When all you wanted was to be wanted

Wish you could go back and tell yourself what you know now

Back then I swore I was gonna marry him someday

But I realized some bigger dreams of mine

And Abigail gave everything she had to a boy

Who changed his mind and we both cried

'cause when you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you

You're gonna believe them

And when you're fifteen, don't forget to look before you fall

Ive found that time can heal most anything

And you just might find who you're supposed to be

I didn't know who I was supposed to be at fifteen

La la la la la .. la la la la la .. La la la la la

Your very first day

Take a deep breath girl

Take a deep breath as you walk through those doors.

Ok I can't believe I'm copying and pasting from one of Taylor Swift's songs, a girl which has been singing, say, three songs about high school? Grow up! Well, maybe I should tell that to myself. Hah!

Ok, change the title to sixteen and it's perfect. Sometimes I just wish I can forget high school, well, at least the haters. But for the wonderful people I've met there, I can't wait to see you guys (that excludes you, belle) again in the reunion! (as if I would go la kan).

People Works Best Under Pressure?

2009-10-29T17:57:00.005+08:00

Some people work best under pressure.

SO NOT!

Today I went to Miss Salina's office to ask for some "consultation" about our Digital Electronics project, which needs to be submitted next week, mind you. In the end, she ended up modifying most of our circuit design. LOL. Thanks Farah, for designing. Sorry for not much help offered, but I think I can deal with it if I can see and hold the components in my hands. To design it in the computer and imagine the LED to light up is sooooo...erm..not yet..maybe later, I'll need to work more on that. Huhu. I'll do the circuit later tonight, pinky promise! By the way, back to Miss Salina's office. I'm so moved with all the little things she has on her desk. You know, the typical photo frames facing her, small cactus in front of her flat-screen monitor, two or three mugs filled with pens and pencils, and all other little things from home. I started to imagine myself in her place, say 10 year from now? How will my office/cubicle be like? All I can see is that it will be filled with PINK stuffs, Oh God forbid me! I sure hope i would outgrown this favourite-colour-thingy. Please oh please! I love it but sometimes it's soooo embarrassing..hahaha..

Ok got lots of things to be settled by next week:

- Submission of Digital Electronics Project! (Just now dah boleh run dah program tu..tiba2 pulak tak leh run..adoi laa)

- Submission of Academic Writing Project! (On the way! On the way!)

- Submission of Structured Programming Project! (Keeping the LEDs to blink and stop blinking when the button is pushed. It's fascinating how you can control those blinking LEDs with just a click on the computer. I don't know, but I feel soooo Big Bang Theory! ;the TV series, not the actual one. Sigh. )

- Introduction to Oil and Gas Test! (Oh how fun!)

- Digital Electronics I Test! (No, wait. This is double the fun! Yay!)

Blame the management for cramming up everything in the last week before the exam week, and for removing our dear study week where we enjoyed going to IRC night and morning, just looking at people, and study of course. Ehem.

Oh yeah, and thank you for arranging our exam timetable so that Academic Writing, Differential Equations, and Circuit Theory papers will be on three days in a row, and the Digital Electronics paper will be 10 days later.

Shut up and blame yourself for doing everything so last minute. A big "PADAN MUKA!" on your face.

Oh yeah. Not to mention a FULLY SUPPORTED (yes, that includes makan, duit minyak, tiket masuk nak main-main macam orang gila sebelum exam, like, you know, to-forget-all-the-trouble-day before the exam?) trip to Bukit Merah this Sunday, thanks to the English Languange Club. Like, DON'T YOU HAVE ANY OTHER PERFECT TIMING?! Oh well, we would LOVE to join you guys, especially when it's FREE but no thank you, we've got things enough to handle. If we do go this Sunday, memang sangat tak sedaq diri lah! (ok, just got a message from the project manager saying that it's not so free after all. Oh well. Nothing to lose. Except for the FUN).

Ooohh! And I found out that if I take Nescafe, I would really stay awake until like, tomorrow morning? Before this, I've always thought that it's only in the mind, it's only mindset. Plus, Mommy never said anything about me taking caffeine. But after trying it for a few days, it really works! But after three or four times consuming it, I ended up sleeping for more than 10 hours. What a noob.

Ok I'm logging off Gtalk and YM and Facebook.

Oh yeah, and MissBimbo.

Stay away!!

Gosh.

2009-10-22T23:10:00.003+08:00

QUOTES

2009-10-14T13:49:00.000+08:00

Hey you,
goodluck over there.
Hope to see you before you die.
:)

2009-10-01T13:24:00.002+08:00

I used to catch you staring,

but now those eyes are nowhere to be seen.

63 annoying questions

2009-09-29T19:39:00.001+08:00

63 Annoying Questions

thanks to facebook

Song that always makes you sad	: adoi..banyak kot..tolong aku-hujan
Last thing you bought	: a pink pencil. hahahaha
Last person you argued with	: the only person i argued a lot with
Do you put butter before putting the jelly on	: erm...kalau grape ngan peanut butter yang pusing2 tu kira tak?
One of your nicknames as a kid	: chi
Did you ever own at one time a Nsync Cd	: time tu kecik sangat..pinjam kaset kakak ja :D
Favorite day of the week	: rabu rabu! coz cam sikit ja kelas
Favorite Sundae topping	: choc
Did you take Piano lessons	: i'd prefer guitar lessons, zaman bila tah
Most frequent song played	: usually will put it on shuffle mode
TV show you secretly enjoy	: secretly? why should it be secret? lantak la nak cakap apa.. at the monet, big bang! yeah yeah i know it's a bit too late
Would you rather play basketball or hockey	: heh..basketball..LOL
Date someone older or younger	: older might be a nice change
One place you could travel right now	: don't have anything in mind
Do you use umbrellas	: if i REALLY have to. tak cool la guna umbrella. haha
Do you know all the words to your national anthem	: mesti lah!
Favorite Cheese	: erm..apa pon xpa
Disturbed or My Chemical Romance	: duh! mcr!
Blondes or Brunettes	: blondes are usually dumb. usually, i say. so...
Best job you ever had	: do i ever? nak jadi tukang pam minyak pon kena interview. tah hapa2 tah
Did you go to your high school prom	: had been invited, but rejected. darn.darn.
Perfect time to wake up	: 8am means another 2 hours to snooze my alarm, 11am is already too hot. erm..in the middle la kot?
Perfect time to go to bed	: when i'm REALLY sleepy, it's such a bliss!
Do you use your queen right away in chess	: dah lama gila tak main chess..coz slalu kalah. slalunya guna yang depan2 tu ja..queen last2 baru guna..time dah nak mati..haha
Ever been in a car accident	: yeah..not injured tho
Closer to mom or dad...or neither	: erm..dad? in certain things..and mom in other certain things..haha..but neither when the exam result is out.
What do you call your sweetheart lovingly	: not anymore.
What decade during the 20th century would you have chosen to be a teenager	: now is ok lah
Favorite shoes you have EVER owned	: my first ever kasut yang nampak macam pompuan..erm..lupa lah..yang pasti dia kaler pink :D
Do you have an article of clothing from your childhood	: hah? tak paham soklan.
Were you in track and field	: track penah, field penah.
Were you ever in a school talent show	: ermmmmmmm....nahhh
Have you ever written in a library book	: hahahaha..penah kot
Allergic to	: dusts, cats. this is true, chaq! please, it's not in my mind!
Favorite fruit	: nangka? hahaha..tembikai..laici..bla3
Have you watched sex and the city	: yeahyeah
Baseball hat or toque	: tudung.LOL
Do you shampoo first in the shower or soap	: shampoo. so that i have time to rinse, put on conditioner and then soap. okay. too much info.
Wet the toothbrush or brush dry with the toothpaste	: wet!
Pen or pencil	: depends.
Have you ever gambled at a casino	: nono
Have you thrown up on a plane	: been on a plane pon tak penah
Have you thrown up in a car	: yeah. thank god ada plastic bag
Have you thrown up at work	: atas meja time semua orang berdiri bagi salam kat cikgu time kat tadika? yes.
Do you scream on roller coasters	: yeahyeah..for the fun of it.
Who was your first prom date	: oh shut up.
Who was your first roommate	: erm..the current one? aahh..bosan2
What alcoholic beverage did you drink for the first time	: hahaha..neva
What was your first job	: kan dah cakap..interview untuk jadi tukang pam minyak pon kena reject.
What was your first car	: PEM!
When did you first go to a funeral	: time kecik2
How old were you when you first moved away from your hometown	: form 4 / sweetest sixteen
Who was your first grade teacher	: huh? ermmmm...darn..lupa. puan asiah! yeah that's it!
When did you sneak out of your house for the first time	: woh..takot la..bilik mak abah depan pintu rumah.
Who was your first best friend and are you still friends with them	: in reality, i'm not really confortable with my bestfriend. jadahnya kan? but the current ones are ok la.haha
Where did you live the first time you moved out of your parent's house	: beseri yang bengong
Who is the first person you call when you have a bad day	: depends.
Whose wedding were you in, the first time you were a bridesmaid or a groomsman	: blom lagi la. tunggu depa kawen.
What is the first thing you do in the morning	: guling.
What was the first concert you attended	: nasib baik estranged, bunkface, amy search, aizat semua tu mai utp. kalau tak, tak penah. tu kira konsert la e?
First tattoo or piercing	: shut up again.
Where did you go on your first airplane ride	: shut up, i say!!
First celebrity crush	: ranma. kira celebrity ka?