Why I feel like deleting my Facebook account

I only need two reasons to delete my Facebook account;

~ Some of them are all too mushy mushy about their love lives that it disgusts me. A little is okay, is sweet. But too much is just freaking disgusting.

~ Everyone is having a great Raya with all those status updates and photo uploads. Me, NOT.

Damn.

Eid Eve

I have always been scared to be proud of something I have, scared that it will be snatched away from me right there and then. But now, I am proud to say that I have a really fabulous support system. But the way that the support is being conveyed is totally wrecked. Other than that, everything is just great.

Thank you.

The drafts

The drafts that I never posted. Now I guess I am.

You have lived with yourself your whole life. For me, it's twenty years. You know how your mind works, you know how you would feel if certain things go the way they do, you know how you would react when stuff happens. And it is utterly impossible for you to explain yourself to someone who does not know you your whole life; even to those who do know you your whole life. It is almost impossible to tell people what you believe your whole life because they will never understand. They do not know that you have been trying to think positive about everything, that you turn every bad things into good ones just to make yourself feel better, secured, stable. They do not know that you cry yourself to sleep, telling yourself that,

"It's okay. You'll do great later. Don't worry, you'll try harder next time. Don't fret, there's always another chance in life and you're sure gonna grab it".

You kept telling yourself those kind of things until you feel just a little bit too safe, because you stopped worrying about things that you should be worrying. Instead, you changed those worries into motivation to keep yourself going. You are tired of telling yourself that everything is going to be okay. You want to hear it from someone else, other than yourself. You want someone to tell you that they believed in you and they know that you can do it. You just want a reassurance to make you feel safe. But some of them do not know that you have been thinking too positively. People do not know that. They do not know that. People around you judge you, telling you that you yourself need to think positively in order to change. They do not know that that is exactly what you have been doing those past years until it brings you to your damnation. People judge you. People tell you things that they do not know. No one knows you better than yourself.

I was in class today, when I got a text from dad,

"Allah yang tentukan kehidupan manusia (kaya, miskin, pemimpin, rakyat biasa, semua makhluk).

Jangan kita hina dan kutuk kerana semuanya Allah yang jadikan. (Az-zukhrif, ayat 32)"

That surely made my day. When all else fails, at least there is always some people who never stopped believing in you.

die die die

I'm gonna be found sprawled lifelessly on the floor tomorrow morning if these panick attacks don't stop right this instant.

Burden

If students (well, some of us) worry about their exam results, what about other people? I mean, adults, grown-ups? I can only imagine a few in this shallow, secluded mind of mine.

- A guy is worried that she's knocked up a girl.
- Or maybe a working guy is worried because he's spent all his paycheck for that new stereo and has no stash left for gas for the whole month.
- Or an 80-year-old worries about his worsening health condition and how he's gonna break the news to his children or something

I don't know. I'm not very good at remembering things but usually when I do, all my memories are filled with worries. Like that time in high school when I wake up a few mornings feeling worried about the presentation that I had to perform later that day. And that time when I was worried like hell when I was about to get my exam results (like, right now!). I guess that's why I'm a little bit paranoid. I worry about things that might or might not happen. I worry about satisfying everyone. I worry about what other people would feel if I do this or that. I worry that people would call me an "emotional freak" (well I'm not really worried about that though). Oh well. I just need to know what other people worry about. I want to feel better. I want to know that other people have other bigger problems to worry about compared to me. I want to know that it is certainly not the end of the world for me. So I gotta stop worrying about what people would feel when they read my blog (well, at least you are reading now, I've always thought that no one reads this blog anymore, thank god). Well whatever.



P/S:

Don't trust everything your friend tells you, like, EVERYTHING. Like what happened around two years back. Why'd you have to go and trust him? OMFG.

Mindless

A paranoid insecured little freak!

U'huh u'huh!

Great job, well done.

So here's the thing. There's this frail old lady with a final stage of cancer who went to the doctor for her check-ups. She did not know her conditions yet, because her children are trying to let her know slowly, to avoid any heart attacks despite her other serious health conditions. So when she saw the doctor, she was greeted with,

"Makcik, makcik ada kanser. Kanser makcik ni ganas. Dah merebak kat semua organ."

What the hell, man? She is certainly not ready for such news. You have been her doctor for what, one year now? In just one year, you could see that she is getting thinner and weaker and this is how you break the news? Talk about being a professional. So yeah, it is the hospital's policy to let the patients know about their situations and conditions. But come on, you cannot just drop a bombshell like that! She is 77 years old, for god's sake. You have to be sensitive when it comes to older people. When they get older, they act more like children. Come on. This is common sense. So now she is too down and depressed to even eat anything, let alone take her insulin shots. Being senile, let's just pray hard that she forgets about this by tomorrow. Way to go, doc.