Love is all around. Big deal.

I was browsing through my Facebook Newsfeed just now when I noticed one similar thing; many of my friends are posting photos of their boyfriends/girlfriends in their profiles. Okay, so Valentine's Day was two days ago. Big deal. (Sounds jealous, I know. But I'm not, really!! Okay now I just sound defensive.)

Then I saw my childhood friend and her boyfriend, which is also my friend from primary school and I was shocked that they are currently dating. I don't know why I am so excited about this little news. Maybe because I still remember vividly how they used to fight when we were much younger and how that boy used to tease the girl and her ponytail and all, and now they are stuck with each other, like, so sweet! Okay, so the news is not that life changing, but I'm so happy to see them. Maybe it is the fact that the last time I saw them, we were still carefree little teenagers and now we are already independent adults with lots of responsibilities. That guy already grew a mustache. The girl has already started putting on make up, loosened those ponytails and has become a very fine young lady. Me? I wonder how I've changed through the years. Not much, really.

All I'm saying is, it seems that everyone is deeply in love at the moment, so..keep it up..stay together..don't be naughty..whatever.

"We're all in love tonight..."

- MCR-

Guys and their balls

I used to think that a girl complaining about her partner being too busy with football is really clingy. They turn every single, small, minute, tiny little problem to be a huge problem. Like, why the hell would you be mad at him? It’s not like he’s cheating on you or anything. It’s just him and a few other guys playing with balls. Okay that didn’t sound right. Or maybe he and his friends are watching other guys playing with balls on TV. Okay that sounded even worse. Yeah, yeah, the point is, it's guys and football. They are inseparable (well, for most of them). Should be no harm. Right?

That is until they start playing football in the evenings until dusk, and again at nights. Then if they are lucky, they will watch all the matches ranging from midnights till dawn. When this happens, I would like to yell,

"I'm feeling you, girls!! I'm so sorry for calling you 'clingy'. I totallyyyyyyy get you!"

Sigh. I am so typical.

=.='

I heard them say,

"Don't let the public know about your love life. Then you won't have any privacy.".

Wait, what love life?

Jewel

"Not to worry 'cause worry is wasteful

and useless in times like these

I won't be made useless
I won't be idle with despair
I will gather myself around my faith

My heart is small, I know.

But they're not yours, they are my own

But they're not yours, they are my own

I never break it."

In the end only kindness matters.

Inspired by Jewel - Hands.

"Inspired"?? Hah!

Of grey eyes and warm hugs

You see, last Raya, my grandmother passed away. A few weeks ago, my friend’s father died. A week after that, the father of my sister’s friend died. And today, my friend’s grandfather passed away as well. And they are all happening within this kampung. I have always wondered, what will this place be, say, 20 years from now? Up until now, I would say 80 percent of the people living around here are over 50 years of age. What will happen to this place when everyone is gone? When I say gone, I am not imagining that it will be bombed by Communists (again) or invaded by aliens. It’s just that, the elders will pass away and the young ones sort of fly out of the cocoons, eventually leaving this place that was once known as “home” to come back to during festivals. Well, what will happen next?

Then it occurred to me, what will happen to me if my parents pass away? Will I be able to deal with it? Yesterday I accidentally looked into my Dad's eyes. As I looked into those eyes with the wrinkles and all, I realized that they are not black anymore. Like they used to be. They are now shades of light grey, very light. I am now grasping the throbbing fact that my parents are getting old, and there is nothing I can do to stop it. I simply cannot imagine the day that I will be kissing them goodbye, one last time. Lately my Mom has been jokingly complaining that I am too old to be asking for hugs from her anymore. I just cannot agree with her. You are never too old for hugs. Everyone needs a hug once in a while. For me, I can use them anytime. Plus, she is the only person that I can hug in this world. Who else? Friends won't let me while sisters threaten to kick my ass if I do. But in terms of hugging my Dad, I guess I would have to agree with Mom; I'm too old for that because hugging him would be awkward and pretty inappropriate. But I really really want to! But she let me hug her anyway.

Well the point is, I cannot imagine how my life would be without them. Did they leave this world with content, with wills fulfilled? Or do they still have any unfinished business? Are there any changes in me that they wish to see before they die? Or maybe have I disappoint them in any way when they are alive? And when I am dead too, when all the sins and bad deeds that I have done in this world are being previewed in front of everyone, will they be ashamed of me? Will they drag me to the Heavens with them?

Wedding bells? Wait, make it kompang.

All my life, I've lived with this fantasy (one of my many, actually) that someday I will eventually get married and settle down somewhere with my new spouse and start a new family together. Then I've even imagined both of us (and maybe some 'little-me's) going back to my parents' house in Kulim during Hari Raya on the first day and back to my spouse's parents' house (wherever it might be) on the next day. Then maybe someday we will argue about where we should celebrate the first day of Raya; my parents' place or his? (This fantasy is thanks to all the Malay dramas that had been feeding me with lots of imagination since I was five).

But now that I'm turning 21, all those dreams seem to wash away from my head, like everything is faded. I don't think I will be content if I get married. Don't get me wrong. It's not that I don't want to get married at all (Mom, you can breathe now). It's just that, I think I will be very used, very taken advantage of if I get married. You see, being the youngest in the family, I often get bullied by my two sisters and brother. They'd ask me to do things for them. Well, not entirely bad things but enough to make me realize that I'm being used. That is after one of them told me,"Siti..benda-benda ni Chaq ja yang boleh suruh Siti buat. Kalau orang lain suruh, Siti jangan buat tau? They are using you. Only I can do that" with a devilish grin. See how naive I was (still am, actually). That's when I realize that I should learn to say "NO".

So, if I ever get married and the spouse of mine would ask me to fix him a drink, and I would think to myself, "Why'd you have to ask me? Can't you do it yourself?" or maybe when he asks me to iron his shirt I would be all like, "Why do I always have to do the ironing? Is it because I'm a woman? Why you chauvinist little pig!". See? I don't want it to get that personal. Sigh.

And here I am thinking that exes are off-limits.

Simple Things

I realized that I can be easily satisfied with simpler things.

And I don’t need a one-week-vacation to a sandy beach in a beautiful island or a stay in a 5-star hotel with free breakfast and lunch just to spend time with my family. I've always enjoyed the trips down memory lane to Baling while Mom and Dad showed us the coffee shop where they had their first date over 30 years ago. And I've always enjoyed the long car rides while listening to those Oldies that Dad loves so much.

I realized that hanging out in a mall, shopping for new clothes and shoes and trying out the Coffee Bean's Banana Chocolate ice blended with your girls is really fun. Shrieking and giggling like typical girls while watching Josh Duhamel (Okay I’ve just Googled his name to make sure that I spelled his name right and there goes his photos, ohmygod he’s so hot!!) in the movie theatre is fun sometimes. But I also love the silly trip we had to the deserted Pasir Salak and I still remember how I was scared that the Menara Condong in Teluk Intan would crash to the ground when we climbed the stairs to the top. Singing at the top of our lungs in the car with the girls is enough to make me happy.

I am also content with eating cendol by the roadside rather than having a candlelight dinner with my boyfriend. Accompanying him while he's having his haircut is fun. Especially when he asked for my opinion on which style he should go for. The barber just smiled while waiting for my answer. I was honoured! (Haha okay perasan) But the next time we went to the barber, he had his head almost bald just to annoy me. Zzz. Yeah, I know that sometimes I ask him for a treat of new clothes and Kenny Rogers and Pizza Hut but at the end of the day, it doesn't really matter. I asked him for a dress and I get a Man U jersey. Thanks! Having him around is enough. Plus the cendol, of course.

And now, after a stressful week of being sick and vomiting and spreading the virus to everyone and Analogue Electronics test, Signals and Systems test, Computational Methods test, Health and Safety test, Analogue Electronics lab with Dr Awan, and the unfinished Microprocessor project, I finally have time to do my laundry and have that 20 minutes bath. After shampooing and conditioning and putting on hair mask and hair serum, I feel like Beyonce.

Oh shut up, a girl can dream, aite?