Wedding bells? Wait, make it kompang.

All my life, I've lived with this fantasy (one of my many, actually) that someday I will eventually get married and settle down somewhere with my new spouse and start a new family together. Then I've even imagined both of us (and maybe some 'little-me's) going back to my parents' house in Kulim during Hari Raya on the first day and back to my spouse's parents' house (wherever it might be) on the next day. Then maybe someday we will argue about where we should celebrate the first day of Raya; my parents' place or his? (This fantasy is thanks to all the Malay dramas that had been feeding me with lots of imagination since I was five).

But now that I'm turning 21, all those dreams seem to wash away from my head, like everything is faded. I don't think I will be content if I get married. Don't get me wrong. It's not that I don't want to get married at all (Mom, you can breathe now). It's just that, I think I will be very used, very taken advantage of if I get married. You see, being the youngest in the family, I often get bullied by my two sisters and brother. They'd ask me to do things for them. Well, not entirely bad things but enough to make me realize that I'm being used. That is after one of them told me,"Siti..benda-benda ni Chaq ja yang boleh suruh Siti buat. Kalau orang lain suruh, Siti jangan buat tau? They are using you. Only I can do that" with a devilish grin. See how naive I was (still am, actually). That's when I realize that I should learn to say "NO".

So, if I ever get married and the spouse of mine would ask me to fix him a drink, and I would think to myself, "Why'd you have to ask me? Can't you do it yourself?" or maybe when he asks me to iron his shirt I would be all like, "Why do I always have to do the ironing? Is it because I'm a woman? Why you chauvinist little pig!". See? I don't want it to get that personal. Sigh.

And here I am thinking that exes are off-limits.