Friday, November 29, 2013

Good bye new grads!

When I finally work and have my first paycheck, I'm gonna prepare a few envelopes. One is for a new mattress, these springs are killing me! Another is for my skincare coz mom is always saying that I should wear sufficient face cream now so that I'll look younger when I'm her age. Next, maybe I'll indulge a little bit. There'll be an envelope for a new Fossil purse, wow talk about being specific. Well I've got a Jedi to blame for all these expensive taste. Well, maybe not that expensive for someone with a starting salary of RM5000 but it is still expensive for me. Okay I'm being defensive, so shut up. So far, that's all I can think of. After budgeting and deducting all the necessary expenditures and savings, I guess I could spare a few ringgit each month for these envelopes :)

Sunday, November 17, 2013

Oh well nothing to do, so yeah.

Good morning! From the longest and the most frustrating traffic jam ever. Urgh! Apparently everyone's trying to catch a ferry to Penang since the bridge is closed for the run blablabla which is where we should be right now blablabla unfortunately we are stuck here blablabla. Oh well.

Saturday, November 9, 2013



I really don't know how to start this post. I don't know where to start, actually. I really don't know how to spill all these emotions because no words will ever be enough to describe how I feel right now. So I'm just gonna spill.

So..I've graduated (yeay!). I saw that some of them were not very excited for this event. They said that it's just a silly ceremony where you go up the stage to receive some fake scroll and smile at the camera. They said "What's with all the fuss?". Let me tell you what the fuss is all about. It's when you've struggled so hard to get to where you are now, it's when you've been succeeding all through your life and suddenly you hit rock bottom and you get back up on your feet and stand again, it's when you're on the verge of giving up and suddenly there's a hint of light. That's what the fuss is all about.

I have been very lucky during my younger days. I was the top student every year since kindergarten up till the end of primary school. In high school, I got into the best school in town and got the chance to compete with the best of the best. I aced all the public examinations during school days by getting straight A's in each and every one of them. Alhamdulillah. I must say that Allah has been very generous to me. He gave me opportunities and success along the way. After high school, I got offered to a few of the best institutions in the country. I have shortlisted Engineering and Medicine for my future, and I got both offers. All I have to do is make a choice. Allah has been very generous indeed. I guess I love Medicine and Biology because it fascinates me more than machines and transistors ever did. But love alone is not enough. I've got to be ready to memorize things in order to ace in Medicine. So I chose a safer choice, which is Engineering (who says it was safe?). So I wasn't really into Physics, but I guess lots of practice can make you understand. That was what I was holding to when I registered myself into Universiti Teknologi Petronas.

I've been to a school where all the smart kids and competitors are Chineses and Indians. I'm not being racist here. I'm just saying that we all know how hardworking they are. And we all know how the Malays are. I thought the competition was very high so I fleed and entered MRSM where majority of the students there are Malays. So the pressure was not that high and I studied like how I used to. Looking back to that day, I wished I didn't leave those competitions. I should have stayed and fought. I could really use the experience because when I entered uni, the competition is much higher. Besides the Chineses and Indians, there are other foreigners who are a lot more competitive compared to the locals.

During the school days, getting an A was easy. Once, I got a B during primary school and my mum was very angry, she chased me around the house. I even cried when I got my first B. When I got into uni, getting an A was incredibly hard. I was so used to getting them easily that I had a hard time adapting. Everything was a struggle. Sure, I have all the great people as friends, but it was not enough to help me cope and grab for a float when I was slowly sinking in. I fell down really hard, and I blame it all on myself. I was down to the point of quitting uni. I wrote some last goodbyes and sent them to my few bestfriends. I drove all the way there to sign the paperwork for me to be a quitter again. I met up with some friends and they made me rethink again. And my family, God knows how much I've shattered their dreams. God knows how much they've been disappointed in me and how they couldn't comprehend what was happening. Some put on their brave faces, some just fell apart, inside. My dearest, you have no idea how I was doing at that time. I was driving alone up there, God knows what I could have done, what I was thinking about. God knows how I was tearing apart, what I have done to them and to myself. That was the lowest point in my life.

I guess some people still believe in me, and a little part of me still thinks that I am not a quitter. So I stayed. I crawled back up. I didn't get back to the peak, but I was safe. That's what makes the convocation mean so much to me. Because it means that I am not a quitter. So I didn't get first class or anything. But I managed to finish the race. And I have all the people who believed in me that day. My precious family, my friends. Everyone had an effect in me. Absolutely everyone. Each one of them have touched my life and gave me a reason to stay and become who I am today. Alhamdulillah. Thank you so much for this.

Header image by sabrinaeras @ Flickr