Sunday, October 23, 2011

You never know what you got till it's gone

I have a lot to write about but I don't have the time and by the time that I have the time, I have forgotten completely about the perfect sentences that was formed in my head when I didn't have the time earlier. Okay I'm babbling.

The thing is, I miss my Maktok. She passed away more than a year now. When it was about one year after her death, I started to have dreams about her, gruesome ones. Ones that I couldn't bear to share with my mom. One of them is, she was hanging rope-less facing the ceiling, in the same jubah that she used to wear, with a spear through her torso. And I was staring up, looking at this..this..incident.
Now, I drive past her house everyday. Sometimes I regretted for not calling her more often when she was alive, or visiting her more frequently.
There was this one time, Tun Dr Mahathir came for an event in UTP. He looked so much like my grandmother that I called her right after the event. I missed her at that time. And she sounded so happy when I called her. Why oh why didn't I call her more often after that? It's true, huh? You never know what you got till it's gone. I'm trying not to regret all these things. Maybe it's for the better. Maybe if she is still alive, she'll be in more pain and sufferings. Despite all the drama and scenes in the family, I think when someone passed away, it's better to think of the good memories rather than the bad ones. Grudges will get you nowhere anyway.

Make you go la la la

I have this weird condition of having a perfect song describing my current situation subconsciously. How do I explain this?

Okay for example, I had a bad wake up call today. My niece was crying all morning (nampak sangat tidoq balik lepas subuh), interrupting my beauty sleep. So today I got out of bed groggily with a not-so-good mood. Even after my shower, I still looked like I'm fresh from bed. I was getting dressed for work when I realized that I was singing along to Usher's "DJ Got Us Falling In Love" and I was singing the line, "I feel like a zombie coming back to life, back back to life". Which was exactly how I felt.

Then, the other day. I was driving to work, listening to Yuna's "Greek Goddess". I was singing along to the lyrics, "Your boyfriend's a rockstar, driving a convertible". In a split second, (and no, I am not exaggerating), a convertible car passed by. I mean, how often do you see a convertible drive past you in Kulim? Come on!

Then, last two days, I was listening to Katy Perry's "The One That Got Away" while Google-ing "sad songs that make you want to die" (this is for my sister. See how depressed we are? I mean, she is.). As I went through the lists of songs, I came across the name Johnny Cash. Apparently he sang one of the saddest songs on earth. And at the same time, I was singing along to the line "I was dreaming you were my Johnny Cash" of Katy's song. Like, what the hell?? This is getting freaky! I have never ever heard of that name before and suddenly this serendipity is streaming like a river (okay what kind of simile is this? Okay is it even a simile? Okay what the hell).

It is fun sometimes, to have a song that suits my current mood. And I am able to do that without realizing it. But that got me thinking. When can I recite a Surah or Hadith that suits my current situation? Hmm.

Oh and as I got out of the car today, Taylor Swift's "Two Is Better Than One" was blaring on the speakers of the parking lot. Damn.
Header image by sabrinaeras @ Flickr