Goodbye my dear..

Bismillah..

I lost my phone today. It was me being negligent. It was totally my fault, I won't deny it. It's been seven hours now, and I still can't seem to let out a curse. I miss my phone. I wailed when I discovered that it was missing. Well, I might be exaggerating. When I noticed it was missing, I still managed to keep my cool and ask the person in charge and all the banglas to help me find it. I still managed to smile and say thank you when their search was to no avail. When they left, the sobbing started, which progressed to weeping and finally wailing. I could say that my phone was everything, everything. If not everyone, at least I tried to keep in touch with at least a friend on a daily basis because I don't want us to fall apart just because of the distance. We shared everything, our photos, our stories, our sobs and our laughters. The phone was my alarm clock, it was my planner, my notepad when the need to scribble something arises, my undercover when I was avoiding someone, it was my companion. Everybody knows that it almost never left my hand, until today. I need to stop thinking and crying over it. I have to accept the fact that I've lost it. I can't believe I could be so emotional over a lost phone. It's just material. But it held a lot of what's in my head, that's why I am so devastated. I have to accept now. I've been thinking of a prayer or a curse for the thief, but I still can't come up with anything just yet, probably never. I have to accept that god is trying to teach me a lesson here. Maybe I shouldn't spend too much time on the phone up to a point where I neglect Him. Or maybe I should actually read the Quran instead of just downloading the application. Or maybe He is testing my patience, see how far I would go and blame everything else. Or maybe He wants me to remember the sins that I have done and come back to Him. Simple thing, just a lost phone. And I couldn't help but feel very guilty towards Him. It is like, I must be drifting too far away that He needs to bring me back to shore by making me realize that it was Him who arranged it to be that way and it must be for a reason. He won't do it simply to see his servant suffer. There must be a reason that thing incident happened. Also, it could have been worse. I could lost the whole bag, with all my money and IC and everything. Or I could maybe be hurt, or even worse, killed. Not that I am being dramatic or anything, but I have to think that it could have been worse. Other people have had worse things. So I shouldn't sit and wail and lament over this for too long. I should start reflecting. And yeah, buy a new phone ;)

By the way, the day started out very well. I was so happy when I woke up today. So last night's dream was not very good, in fact, God is already giving me a signal that something bad is happening. I swear I am not being some over religious psychotic freak or anything, but it's true. But I was still over the moon when I started the day. I had everything planned out perfectly. Go and have a meal that I have longed for so long, then catch a movie that he wanted to watch since forever, then enjoy the breeze and watch the ocean (or whatever it is that you call in Straits Quay) and later on eat some pasembor or rojak and catch the ferry back to the mainland. Such a nice plan. But I still managed to complete some of them. I managed to do the first two plans and the latter. The ferry part was the best. I don't know why. Maybe because I've always loved watching the ocean and I remembered that I used to look for jellyfish there when I was much much younger. I was still captivated and excited when it comes to ferry rides. I guess a little bit of my childhood was still there. See? God doesn't take everything from you. He still leaves a space for you to be thankful about, although you were not His number one servant.