Saturday, January 8, 2011

Of grey eyes and warm hugs

You see, last Raya, my grandmother passed away. A few weeks ago, my friend’s father died. A week after that, the father of my sister’s friend died. And today, my friend’s grandfather passed away as well. And they are all happening within this kampung. I have always wondered, what will this place be, say, 20 years from now? Up until now, I would say 80 percent of the people living around here are over 50 years of age. What will happen to this place when everyone is gone? When I say gone, I am not imagining that it will be bombed by Communists (again) or invaded by aliens. It’s just that, the elders will pass away and the young ones sort of fly out of the cocoons, eventually leaving this place that was once known as “home” to come back to during festivals. Well, what will happen next?

Then it occurred to me, what will happen to me if my parents pass away? Will I be able to deal with it? Yesterday I accidentally looked into my Dad's eyes. As I looked into those eyes with the wrinkles and all, I realized that they are not black anymore. Like they used to be. They are now shades of light grey, very light. I am now grasping the throbbing fact that my parents are getting old, and there is nothing I can do to stop it. I simply cannot imagine the day that I will be kissing them goodbye, one last time. Lately my Mom has been jokingly complaining that I am too old to be asking for hugs from her anymore. I just cannot agree with her. You are never too old for hugs. Everyone needs a hug once in a while. For me, I can use them anytime. Plus, she is the only person that I can hug in this world. Who else? Friends won't let me while sisters threaten to kick my ass if I do. But in terms of hugging my Dad, I guess I would have to agree with Mom; I'm too old for that because hugging him would be awkward and pretty inappropriate. But I really really want to! But she let me hug her anyway.

Well the point is, I cannot imagine how my life would be without them. Did they leave this world with content, with wills fulfilled? Or do they still have any unfinished business? Are there any changes in me that they wish to see before they die? Or maybe have I disappoint them in any way when they are alive? And when I am dead too, when all the sins and bad deeds that I have done in this world are being previewed in front of everyone, will they be ashamed of me? Will they drag me to the Heavens with them?

Header image by sabrinaeras @ Flickr