I’m bored. I want to write. And the only time that I can write is when I write about you. It seems that you are my inspiration. Hah. Cheesy much? So here I am, writing about what I have been holding back for so long. The taboo topic, well not so taboo, but who cares, right? If you are the only topic that I can write about at the moment, so be it. So here’s the title : THE EX. Haha. So for anyone who’s not interested (Chaq, if you’re reading this, please stop. Haha), please please leave now because this is going to be one hell of a sappy post. I know my friends are tired of listening about you, I’m sure they are. I tell them everything about you as if they’ve met you. I was obsessed with you, WAS. Now I’m just reminiscing the good old times, without tears in my eyes or a heavy heart, really.
There are too many coincidences, too many resemblances, too many memories that bring me back to you. You know, after almost three years, I thought I would have forgotten about you COMPLETELY by now but you are still stuck in my head. Why oh why? I guess you gave me that first experience that I think most girls long for. I mean, imagine this. She is the new kid in school, and this quite-good-looking guy is interested in her and all her other friends are telling her “He likes you!” and suddenly he approaches her, wanting to know her better. And what makes it more interesting is the fact that it is forbidden (because of the rules and regulations; boys and girls can never have any “special” relationship). And the best part is he plays the guitar! Who wouldn’t want this experience? Oh come on. I was in my sweet sixteen phase. People say that Form 4 is not a honeymoon year but for me, oh hell yeah it was. I was a teenage queen. I was on my honeymoon. I was learning the so-called love that people always talk about, the feeling that makes you forget everything else.
I remember people telling me that you were fond of me, but I was skeptical. No way would I trust the rumours. I was just a nerd, with her glasses and sneakers on, but you were this quarterback (okay not actually a quarterback. But someone who plays the only famous sports in the school :rugby) with this handsome face and a guitar, okay I sound like one of those Taylor Swift’s songs. But hey, it was too good to be true. And there you were, getting to know me better from time to time. And I still remember the first time I talked to you. It wasn’t even a real conversation. It was only a less than a minute of changing words and smiles. We were in the same class, the same homeroom, in fact. I remember when I was really sick and we had that big test coming up. I begged at the teacher for me to be excused from the test because I was really weak at the moment, but he refused. So there I was in that special room where sick people answer their papers. My head was heavy and it was practically on the table with my eyes shut. When I opened them, I saw your worried face staring at me through the windows. Thank god, I didn’t do so badly in the test. See what I meant when I say that you were my inspiration?
And I remember all those late night phone calls, where you would stand for hours at the phone booth. You knew that I liked cats and one time, you caught one and asked it to meow for me over the phone and you were practically talking to the cat. I don’t know how to explain it but I thought it was cute. And there was this one time when you performed on stage and you played the guitar beautifully. I was staring at you, mesmerized. After a while, I realized that a few girls turned and looked at me jealously. Do you know how proud I was at that time? I had you.
We thought we could keep our relationship as a secret. But how can we do that when everytime you entered the class, you would find my gaze and smile at me. The whole class could see that. Of course they got suspicious. And I love those times when you wrote me messages on my desk, and I would go to class early the next morning just to reply them on your desk. And that one time when I opened my locker and saw a teddy bear from you. How sweet is that? It is cheesy but it is one of those things that we go through as teenagers in love and I really appreciate it. Thanks
And don’t forget all those VoiceSMS that we sent to each other. The numerous times where you would play on your guitar and sang to me. I still can’t believe how you could fall for me. At first I thought it was just a bet that you made with your friends, but you seemed so true. You know, when we were together, I dreamt of you every night. And I mean, every night. See how happy I was when I was with you?
And I remembered when we sat for SPM. I took an extra paper and you didn't. It was quite tough actually. When it ended, I was getting out of the exam hall when I saw you running towards me, panting. I was actually surprised to see you there. I honestly thought you were chased by a dog, seriously. It turned out you just came to ask me “How was the paper?” Now how sweet is that?
And there was this one time that you insisted that I meet your mother. I was really shy at that moment. If I was a bit fairer, I would blush like crazy. There I was, feeling small in my chair, smiling nervously, didn’t know what to say to your mother. And you were across the table, grinning and didn’t even help to make any conversation! You just said to your mother, “Ni la dia”. The next day, you met my parents. My Dad put on his fierce face but there you were, trying to make conversations with him. If you want to know, all my male friends are scared of my Dad. So why aren’t you? I was really proud of you at that moment. You met him in front of all our friends. Bet they didn’t think we would go that far, huh?
When we broke up, I lost my senses. My emotions were unstable. I cut the shawl that you gave me during Raya and the pink teddy bear that I used to love. I packed them in a plastic bag and threw it away the next morning. My friends thought I was a psycho for doing such a thing. Come to think of it, it was quite scary. See how you changed me? Hah.
You know, every once in a while, a car with your three-lettered-name as the plate number will pass by in front of me, or maybe someone mentioned your name and every memories of us come streaming back again. I got myself someone to replace you but I ended up comparing you guys. You are like this prince charming, fairytale-like with all the sweetness and he’s this down to earth guy who doesn’t really want me for me, I think.
I hate the fact that we used to go out on dates. I mean, now I can’t go back to those places anymore without picturing us there. I hate Megamall Penang the most because it holds a lot of our memories. There was this one time where we took pictures together in the photo booth and we looked good. Haha. I still have those pictures stashed in a box, you know. Just as a prove of the one that got away. I remember when we went to Queensbay. We were looking for new shirts for you. You were going to start your semester somewhere and I was going to some other place. We bought out promise ring with a butterfly on it. I lost the ring when I lost my pencil case after we broke up. I guess it was meant to be lost, huh?
I moved to a new place last year. And on my way there from Ipoh, I’ll surely pass by this huge billboard with your college advertisement on it and everytime I saw that, I sure feel like shooting it down. And once, I was in the car and I saw your college bus. What was that all about? And I still see your college bus all around Kulim now. My god.
Speaking of dreams, I had this one dream last October. You came to me with your huge toothy grin that I was once crazy about, you sat next to me and asked me about my new life. We talked about the new people in our lives and how we were coping with everything. I thought that dream was a way of fate telling me that I am over you. But things got fuzzier after that. I went to class, longing that you were there with me. I imagined how life would be if you had gone to UTP with me. You got the offer. Same course. Why oh why didn’t you come? I looked around and my heart skipped a beat when I saw your face, then realized that it wasn’t you. There are many people who look like you there, you know? You are everywhere I turn. The guy who works in the library, this one senior who is now out of UTP, this one junior who is my friend’s boyfriend, this one guy who sells apam balik at the night market (I actually bought apam balik from him everytime I go there), the guy in my drama team. And many more, actually.
Well this is an improvement. You see, I love writing. I think you know that. You even asked me to write the lyrics for the song that you created. Why the hell did I turn that down? As I was saying, I love writing, so much. I always have this bits and pieces of sentences in my head but I can never fit them all together into a story. The only time when I can write non-stop is when I’m writing about you. It’s all like high school again. I can write contently. But after we broke up, every time I write about you, tears will roll down my cheeks like rain. But now, I didn’t feel a thing. Well, not sentimental, at least. I’m like, at ease.
You know, the last two years, I think I was still crazy about you. I stalked you here and there. I even registered for a Myspace account just to stalk you and I was so happy when you responded, well I was an anonymous. But you never added me as your friend in Facebook and I was like, okay. I guess it’s for the best anyway. But I still stalk you and when I saw that you have this one girl in your life, I thought I was gonna freak out. But I didn’t. In fact, I stopped stalking you, well for a while, that is. At least, I know that you’ve moved on. In fact, I think you’ve moved on much earlier than me even though I found a new one about 4 months after the ugly break up. I don’t know..
My friend dedicated a Korean song to me. Time To Love by T-ara and Supernova or something. She said that the lyrics are so much like our story.
You know, it’s true. I was cleaning my room the other day and I saw that Gundam that you gave me. It is gathering dusts now. It was so sweet you know? You loved those Gundams and you bought me one and asked me to assemble it myself. I did it in an hour I guess. I’ve never been a fan of robots but I think that was very sweet of you, to share something you like with me. Then I took it off the shelf, and put it in the store. I’m getting rid of things that remind me of you. At least I’m keeping them in a crate and maybe someday I’ll give them back to you.
Next! Yeah I haven’t changed my phone number, you know. In case of emergencies (now tell me, what would that be?), you would know where to find me. But sadly, I was once so wrecked up after going back to our high school and meeting our old friends and seeing all those places that remind me of you, I was haunted by our memories together so I tracked you down and sent you a text message and all I get was, “Who’s this?” from you. I was like, “Damn”. You didn’t even remember my number and here I am thinking that someday, maybe someday, you would come and find me. Oh well. Dream on.
When you were still in Malaysia, I went to this shopping mall with dreaded heart, thinking that this is the place where I last saw you, the place where I knew that you were leaving me forever. Then I saw your friends (thanks to my stalking experience, I know that they are your friends when neither of them recognizes me) walking around and I was practically hiding to see if you were there also. I didn’t know what I wanted at that time, whether to bump into you, or see you from afar or maybe run and hide or something. Thank god, you were not there so I never really had to make that decision. I went to my brother’s wedding in a place near your house, wishing that somehow, somehow, you are related to my sister-in-law’s family and you would be there too, but you weren’t.
If we talk about songs, damn, there are so many songs that remind me of you. Those songs are saved in a playlist where I really really need a sane mind and stable emotion just to look at those playlist, let alone listen to them. And they are good songs! I talked to my friends about you all the time. It is as if they already know you, as if they’ve already met you. They know all our songs and we would sing together in the car sometimes, just to cheer me up, when deep down sometimes the wound is bleeding again.
Then you requested to be my friend in Facebook, after more than two years of silence, I was shocked. Really shocked. I told my friend, the person who was responsible for getting us together three years ago. And she told me that she was the one who asked you to add me as a friend. I guess she got us back together. But as friends, not more than that. I don’t mind. I don’t believe in friendship between exes anyway. It won’t work. So up until now, we just keep to ourselves and I’m quite okay with it.
Well, that was then. This is now. Now, I don’t long for you anymore. Just a few flashbacks from time to time, that’s all. Just a reminder of something that I used to go through. I’ve had my rebound and now I just want to focus on my life. No more douche bags. You know, I never really blamed you for our break up. It wasn’t really your fault. It was me, really. I was greedy, too excited with my new world. You’re a good guy. I am still surprised that I am not freaking out now that you have a new person in your life. I look at your pictures with her but I didn’t feel so bad. I thought I would feel like I want to die, but I didn’t. I guess I wasn’t that psycho, huh? Haha. So if you ever find this little piece of note (little?), I wish you well. Don’t worry, I don’t wish to be with you anymore, though I sure sound like I would. Heh. I’m much more sane now. You are just one of the people that I meet in my long journey called life. Thanks for adding rainbows and stars and a little bit of rain in the picture. If it is possible, I would like to meet you one day in the future, dear doctor.
Dengan ini, saya tujukan lagu Adele - Someone Like You untuk anda. Hahaha okay okay kidding. Tapi takpa, copy paste jugak :D
"Someone Like You"
That you found a girl and you're married now.
I heard that your dreams came true.
Guess she gave you things I didn't give to you.
Old friend, why are you so shy?
Ain't like you to hold back or hide from the light.
I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.
I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
That for me it isn't over.
Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don't forget me, I beg
I remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead,
Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead,"
Yeah.
You know how the time flies
Only yesterday was the time of our lives
We were born and raised
In a summer haze
Bound by the surprise of our glory days
I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.
I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
That for me it isn't over.
Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don't forget me, I beg
I remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead."
Nothing compares
No worries or cares
Regrets and mistakes
They are memories made.
Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?
Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you
Don't forget me, I beg
I remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead."
Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don't forget me, I beg
I remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead,
Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead.
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