Friday, April 29, 2011

My brown eyes, no more..

The tear-stained face in the mornings..
The orange shirt in the closet..
The sweet-scented lotion of mine..
The little pimples on my face..
The teddy bear peeping from under the blanket..
The spot right out my window..
The silly pink octopus hanging in the car..
The piece of paper with your handwriting in my purse..
The reason you left..
The thought of never seeing those brown eyes again..
The thought of doing this for the best reasons..
The thought of you that never really leaves my head..

Honestly, and definitely not sarcastically,
you're the best.
Thank you..

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Beautiful Stranger

It was mid-day with a scorching heat all around. I was trying to keep my cool (though inside, I was sweating like a pig) while clutching to my books and files when our paths crossed.



I answered as I turned around. There she was, a motherly-figure hurrying towards me. I was puzzled at first when I saw her since my head was way away, somewhere else at that time. She introduced herself and told me that she was waiting for her son who was being interviewed by the Petronas officers at the moment. She wanted to know about the environment and life in this place and how people survive here. From her face, I can tell that she was quite worried for her son who applied for Civil Engineering and if God wills it, he will start his studies next May. She asked me about the concepts of learning here in UTP and why the fees are quite expensive and stuff.

After five minutes of briefing about UTP to her (as if the Vice Chancellor hadn't done enough introduction), she stopped walking and turned to face me. Suddenly, she started to shower me with advices about how life is hard and how we have to choose between the good and the bad. She said that both options are hard to choose, but why do we have to choose to commit sins, get kicked into hell, pay for the bad deeds and then only enter heaven with a mark on our foreheads? Why not do good deeds and get an express ticket to heaven? Why do we have to make hell as a pit stop? That got me thinking, a lot.

Then she talked about how our prayers are very important to us. It is prayers that prevent us from being tempted to do wrong things. Never miss any of the five prayers because they will help us a lot one day. Then she talked about how we should keep our intentions and motives straight in doing anything. We need to study for the right intentions. I can’t remember the order of it - God, parents and we ourselves; because I was too busy holding back tears.

I was amazed by how this stranger can come up to me and remind me of all the things that I have forgotten. It is like she knew how my day was going from bad to worse and this is EXACTLY what I needed at that time.

Isn't it amazing how God arranges our lives so that it will turn out this way? He gives us hardships to test our patience, to test our faith. When the going gets tough, and the tough couldn't get going anymore, He sends an "angel" to guide us back to the right path. He makes us realize that we may have done something wrong somewhere along the way to be getting these tests from Him. Or maybe this is just a sign to show that He still remembers us, although we sometimes forget about Him, but he will always remember us. He will never neglect us.

It is amazing how a stranger can bring a new meaning to your life. May Allah bless her and everyone related to her.

Then Abah sent these mms to me..

Okay these made my day.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Emo little b.

I miss writing. Fullstop.

Okay, not actually a fullstop.

I miss writing long worth-reading stuff rather than all my sappy, pathetic sad love stories. Damn you, mood swings. I think I'm having a Premenstrual Syndrome, Period Menstrual Syndrome and Post Menstrual Syndrome. So I guess they all sum up to be Permanent Menstrual Syndrome (still PMS). So people around, bear with me. Maybe that explains why at one time I'm banging my head and screaming along to Korn's songs like,

"Pay the ferryman, pay the fucking driver
Pay the preachers and pay the fucking liars
Pay the bitches they're charging all their dates... stand by
I'm not gonna pay, it's already mine"

and also MCR's songs

and the next thing I know I'm Google-ing "sad and miserable songs". I even have a playlist with songs like:

  • The Band Perry - If I die Young
  • Jewel - You Were Meant For Me
  • Toni Braxton - Another Sad Love Song
  • Toni Braxton - Unbreak my Heart
  • Destiny's Child - Emotion
  • Michael Learns To Rock - 25 Minutes
  • Taylor Swift - Teardrops on My Guitar
  • Guns n Roses - Don't Cry

One moment I feel like I have a bulletproof heart. A few days later I feel like I have a porcelain heart. Ahh..words are so beautiful. Whatever the hell is wrong with my hormones?

These are a few quotes that I’ve collected from movies, songs and some that suddenly popped in my head when I’m taking a piss or something; during the most unusual times.

Delicate soul, porcelain heart.

Highschool is sweet flings and rough patches that made you, "YOU" today. Blame highschool.

In serious need of speakers and keyboard and wireless adapter for my laptop. What the hell? I'm already using an external mouse, a 500Gb external hardisk, external cooling fan. Looks more like a desktop than a laptop to me.


Coming, ready or not.

Tell the truth and God will save you.

Ain't nobody gonna get the best of me now.

We're all in love tonight.

You only hear the music when your heart began to break.

And when you go, don't come back to me, my love.

Undeserving of your sympathy.

Remember when I wrote our secret message on your table and you replied on mine?

A love that's so demanding.

Kiss me, you animal.

Don't let go.

Don't fuck around.

Hopes and fears.

Are you happy where you are now?

Hide your eyes, I'm gonna shine tonight.

We're all in love tonight.

You can run away with me anytime you want.

A little too personal.

You're back to my "Screened List".

He's a love machine.

I wanted to know some more.

Memories that remain.

I was sick and tired of everything when I called you last night.

This is the last smile that I'll fake for the sake of being with you.

Need a place for my head.

Nurse myself back to sanity.

I swallowed all my pride.

Avoid the cliche.

You're frozen when your heart's not open.

If I could melt your heart, we'd never be apart.

To love you is to be part of you.

Runaway with my heart.

I've got a thing for guys in Baju Melayu. It's my fetish.

I meant all the things that I said.

I'm better off on my own.

I'm living life day by day.

I just wanna live while I'm alive.

My heart is dancing all over the place.

Your lip-glossed smile.

Make me long for your kiss.

Of sweet beginnings and bitter endings.

I miss you like nobody else.

It's been so long since we have talked.

You're racing for tomorrow, not finished with today.

Would we be happier if we went somewhere together?

I think we're gonna be just fine.

I've got my friends, I'm more than okay.

The kind of flawless I wish I could be.

You've been through a lot, just know that heaven awaits you.

Ku cintaimu tak bererti bahawa ku harus memilikimu selamanya.

Kau bawa bersamamu, sebelah hatiku, separuh jiwaku, yang mampu sempurnakan aku.

Aku ada kerna kau telah tercipta.

Degupan jantung kita akan sentiasa seirama.

To hell with stares.

He is the one who puts u into this and He can take u out of this in a blink of an eye. Just know where u went wrong with Him and seek his forgiveness.

kadang2 we make mistakes dgn Dia tp kita xmpk

Dia just put u into this to make u realise

that u still need Him

dont leave Him out

He is always there for u

itu yg Dia nk kita sentiasa ingat

kadang2 we need a reality check

yg hidup kita nie, mcm mana perfect pun kita anggap, itu semua kerja Dia.

Dia leh tarik balik dlm sekelip mata

Dia nk kita sentiasa humble dgn nikmat yg Dia bg pinjam

Dia nk kita ingat semua tu sementara ja

Dia nk kita rasa mcm mana kalau kita di tempat org lain.

Dia nk kita rasa mcm mana kalau kita di tempat org lain.

org lain yg xdak apa2. tp still leh survive

this is life's education

only He can teach

everything yg happen to ur life, gud or bad, adalah sbb diri sendiri. when something happened. look at urself. what went wrong. apa yg hg dah wat

Dia xmarah. cuma nk ingatkan.

dont say things

do it

I hate it when I am one of the girls.

Love is only a feelingggggg.

You are a page in my history.

Your world would be easier if I didn't come back.

That's true. But it wouldn't be my world without you in it.

Love takes time.

Regrets and mistakes, they're memories made.

You know you should but you don't.

Perfection comes in a full package with a ribbon on it.

I'm giving you a full visitation rights to the set of rambunctious twins that live on my ribcage.

Perfection with a little scratch of flaw.

Self-lamenting is so pathetic.

Silly little fights give me the thrill, the feeling of ups and downs.

Here's my hand and my heart, it's yours to take.

Falling from grace.

I'm a curious cat.

After all these years, you still manage to give me those kind of heartbeats.

True romance can't be achieved these days.

Two hearts that beat as one.

Maybe it's not meant to last.

You wanna get in my world, get lost in it.

Know that no matter how many knives we put in each other's backs

that we'll have each other's backs, 'cause we're that lucky.

I thought that I was strong.

Pay the fucking liars that say you can do it alone.

Have you given your best to have the rights to curse everyone for not getting anything back?

It's not helping to know that there's someone worse than you. It makes you feel superior and gloat till you burst with your own pride.

Find me a place where no one else will hear my screams.

Undeserving of your rewards.

It's so easy to crush me.

She's standing on a line between giving up and seeing how much more she can take.

Eventhough you're close to me, you're still so distant.

This love has turned into a staring contest,

the person who can stand the other wins..nothing..coz the game ended.

Go and fuck your own balls.

Don't know how much more we can take.

It would be unfair to stay with something that is no longer there.

I am not as strong as you.

I wish things were different this time.

I think I'll hang on, if you still want me. But if you don't, I guess I'll move on.

Breathe. Live.

"you're mine." Right words, wrong moment.

Two years gone I can't remember.

Just come back when you think it's time.

Your laugh is a song,

your eyes are diamonds.

I'm stuck in the moment.

My heart is open.

You will always be a black star.

Always know that I love you so.

Goodbye, brown eyes.

I've found the best breakup song for us. Damn.

I like your smile, I like your vibe.

Tell me what I want to hear.

Just don't let me down.

All you do is take.

All the thoughts lead back to you.

I think I'll hang on, if you still want me.

I'm here to stay.

A friend knows the song in my heart and sings it to me when my memory fails.

You can kid the world. But not your sister.

In the cookies of life, sisters are the chocolate chips.

Elder sisters never can do younger ones justice!

When mom and dad don't understand, a sister always will.

Gone were the days of hometown glory.

Damn, I'm an emo and disturbed little kid. I love words. Words are beautiful. Okay shut up, don't judge me. Okay lepas ni tak mau tulis emo2 dah :)

Header image by sabrinaeras @ Flickr