7.06 PM

It is the one interview that I wasn't too excited about because the company has no Wiki page. It is the one interview that I was late to. And by late, I mean just a mere ten minutes before the interview started. Usually, I'll arrive one hour prior the designated time. I was late because the stupid Waze showed me a different route to a different place which is entirely at the other side of the place I'm actually heading to. Since I can't rely on technology, which is what I've been doing for the past 23 years of my life, I decided to follow my hunch. Seeing that I don't have enough time especially with the heavy traffic, my head was making up devious plans. I was coming up with all sorts of excuses to why I didn't attend the interview. Even worse, I planned to go and have a breakfast somewhere and go back home two hours later, telling my parents how smooth the interview went. But I got there in time. I could say that God led me there because maybe He has something planned for me. Okay stop being so dramatic. Practically, my sister led me there because I panicked and I realized that I ended up in front of her office so I called her for directions and she led me straight to Ibiden. It is the one interview that actually hired me.

I've been to a few interview myself. Sure it's not some big shot companies but the experience is there. I guess you could bluff them, impress them or say whatever during an interview. You shouldn't hold anything back. You could bluff them if you want, as long as you'll work it out later. You can tell them that you have nothing against travelling, even though your parents wouldn't let you work even a little more than 100km from them. You can bullshit all you want, sell yourself, make yourself look good and valuable. If they like your bullshits, they'll hire you. If they don't, then you'll never see their faces again. So? What's the worst that could happen? Alhamdulillah. I'm glad I got this job because of me, myself. Not because someone helped me or recommended me  or arranged an interview or something. I'm glad I got this offer fair and square.

Although I must say, I feel a bit undeserving of this gift from God. I was ashamed to be so lucky and to be given this opportunity at this time. I have to admit that I wasn't His most humble and pious servant but He blessed me anyway. The one thing that I am really afraid of right now is if this is an istidraj. 

"Rasullulah s. a. w. bersabda :”Apabila kamu melihat bahawa Allah Taala memberikan nikmat kepada hambanya yang selalu membuat maksiat(durhaka),ketahuilah bahawa orang itu telah diistidrajkan oleh Allah SWT.”(Diriwayatkan oleh At-Tabrani, Ahmad dan Al-Baihaqi)

Tetapi, manusia yang durhaka dan sering berbuat maksiat yang terkeliru dengan pemikirannya merasakan bahawa nikmat yang telah datang kepadanya adalah kerana Allah berserta dan kasih dengan perbuatan maksiat mereka. Masih ada juga orang ragu-ragu, kerana kalau kita hendak dapat kebahagian di dunia dan akhirat kita mesti ikut jejak langkah Rasullulah saw dan berpegang teguh pada agama Islam."

Nauzubillah.

Good bye new grads!

When I finally work and have my first paycheck, I'm gonna prepare a few envelopes. One is for a new mattress, these springs are killing me! Another is for my skincare coz mom is always saying that I should wear sufficient face cream now so that I'll look younger when I'm her age. Next, maybe I'll indulge a little bit. There'll be an envelope for a new Fossil purse, wow talk about being specific. Well I've got a Jedi to blame for all these expensive taste. Well, maybe not that expensive for someone with a starting salary of RM5000 but it is still expensive for me. Okay I'm being defensive, so shut up. So far, that's all I can think of. After budgeting and deducting all the necessary expenditures and savings, I guess I could spare a few ringgit each month for these envelopes :)

Oh well nothing to do, so yeah.

Good morning! From the longest and the most frustrating traffic jam ever. Urgh! Apparently everyone's trying to catch a ferry to Penang since the bridge is closed for the run blablabla which is where we should be right now blablabla unfortunately we are stuck here blablabla. Oh well.

I-cannot-sum-everything-up-for-a-title

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

I really don't know how to start this post. I don't know where to start, actually. I really don't know how to spill all these emotions because no words will ever be enough to describe how I feel right now. So I'm just gonna spill.

So..I've graduated (yeay!). I saw that some of them were not very excited for this event. They said that it's just a silly ceremony where you go up the stage to receive some fake scroll and smile at the camera. They said "What's with all the fuss?". Let me tell you what the fuss is all about. It's when you've struggled so hard to get to where you are now, it's when you've been succeeding all through your life and suddenly you hit rock bottom and you get back up on your feet and stand again, it's when you're on the verge of giving up and suddenly there's a hint of light. That's what the fuss is all about.

I have been very lucky during my younger days. I was the top student every year since kindergarten up till the end of primary school. In high school, I got into the best school in town and got the chance to compete with the best of the best. I aced all the public examinations during school days by getting straight A's in each and every one of them. Alhamdulillah. I must say that Allah has been very generous to me. He gave me opportunities and success along the way. After high school, I got offered to a few of the best institutions in the country. I have shortlisted Engineering and Medicine for my future, and I got both offers. All I have to do is make a choice. Allah has been very generous indeed. I guess I love Medicine and Biology because it fascinates me more than machines and transistors ever did. But love alone is not enough. I've got to be ready to memorize things in order to ace in Medicine. So I chose a safer choice, which is Engineering (who says it was safe?). So I wasn't really into Physics, but I guess lots of practice can make you understand. That was what I was holding to when I registered myself into Universiti Teknologi Petronas.

I've been to a school where all the smart kids and competitors are Chineses and Indians. I'm not being racist here. I'm just saying that we all know how hardworking they are. And we all know how the Malays are. I thought the competition was very high so I fleed and entered MRSM where majority of the students there are Malays. So the pressure was not that high and I studied like how I used to. Looking back to that day, I wished I didn't leave those competitions. I should have stayed and fought. I could really use the experience because when I entered uni, the competition is much higher. Besides the Chineses and Indians, there are other foreigners who are a lot more competitive compared to the locals.

During the school days, getting an A was easy. Once, I got a B during primary school and my mum was very angry, she chased me around the house. I even cried when I got my first B. When I got into uni, getting an A was incredibly hard. I was so used to getting them easily that I had a hard time adapting. Everything was a struggle. Sure, I have all the great people as friends, but it was not enough to help me cope and grab for a float when I was slowly sinking in. I fell down really hard, and I blame it all on myself. I was down to the point of quitting uni. I wrote some last goodbyes and sent them to my few bestfriends. I drove all the way there to sign the paperwork for me to be a quitter again. I met up with some friends and they made me rethink again. And my family, God knows how much I've shattered their dreams. God knows how much they've been disappointed in me and how they couldn't comprehend what was happening. Some put on their brave faces, some just fell apart, inside. My dearest, you have no idea how I was doing at that time. I was driving alone up there, God knows what I could have done, what I was thinking about. God knows how I was tearing apart, what I have done to them and to myself. That was the lowest point in my life.

I guess some people still believe in me, and a little part of me still thinks that I am not a quitter. So I stayed. I crawled back up. I didn't get back to the peak, but I was safe. That's what makes the convocation mean so much to me. Because it means that I am not a quitter. So I didn't get first class or anything. But I managed to finish the race. And I have all the people who believed in me that day. My precious family, my friends. Everyone had an effect in me. Absolutely everyone. Each one of them have touched my life and gave me a reason to stay and become who I am today. Alhamdulillah. Thank you so much for this.

I want to go to that cemetery!

Here is another book by Audrey Niffenegger. She just likes to meddle with all the forbidden things. You could say that maybe she's out of the box. She used to write about time travelling and now she's writing about death and what happens next.
This book has all sorts of wrong in it. It is more wrong than how some people say that Percy Jackson is misleading to Muslims. You should really read this, little guy. It's not even reincarnation. It's like, you'll never really die. You'll just float around and can move the Ouija board or write with dusts on the piano. Your soul will just linger until I don't know when. I was waiting for revelations of any unfinished business but there was none. I love the chemistry between the twins though. But I wish they'd explain more on the twins' relationship. They are very unique and I'd love to know more about them. And I love the way the author revolved the story around Highgate Cemetery. She made the place of death sound more interesting than eerie. But of course, it is a tourist site after all. If I have the money and time, I would surely go there. And I love the twist between Elspeth and Edie. I have never expected that! Well, maybe I am not much of a spoiler person. I love to read through the pages without any sneak peak of the last page. And I hate it when people give me spoilers on movies that I haven't watched. And I don't like it when people are guessing what will happen next when we're watching movies. Just let it be! Hahah well everyone has their own way of watching so let it be. Anyway, back to the book, towards the end, somehow I managed to anticipate what will happen long before the main character does. I was also waiting for the ghost to turn aggressive and starts haunting people but it never got to that. Although there's a ghost (a few, actually) in this book, but it is certainly not stacked in the horror shelf. And I hate it because it had to end that way. Oh well. Not all books will leave you grinning for days.
Oh well. Off to the next book!

All mushy and snuggled up

The weather is so blankety-friendly that it is so hard to get out of bed. I find myself getting in and out of bed for multiple times today. It has been raining almost all day long and I love every single moment of it. It is so wet and damp and clammy (I know "clammy" is not very suitable to describe it but it just feels like it so what the hell) and I just love being under the covers. Despite all the annoying hormone turbulence, I am in a good mood. So far everything is working out as planned, Alhamdulillah. And I must say that the day started out pretty well, mostly because I had this wonderful dream last night. Well, it wasn't entirely wonderful. In that dream, I broke my heels (I mean, the shoes) which consequently leads to a broken tooth with all that blood and everything. And I was on my way to this one place where everyone needs to be in a capsule or something (probably because I've been seeing a lot of my niece's Kinder Joys) and I didn't get one. So Faizal Hussein (I think I used to have a crush on him when I was younger..and also when he was way younger and much handsome and less skeleton-ish like right now) got into a capsule and I tagged along or something. I managed to arrive at the destination that was supposed to be the last stop of all humankind and so I was safe. But I wasn't happy. So there goes the hormonal attack even in my dreams! I was being a typical woman, feeling down and sad even though I have survived the so-called disaster where everyone needs to escape using the capsule thingy. I wanted to be by myself but I didn't want to be alone. I wanted to talk to someone but I didn't feel like talking. Oh you know, all the shitty mood swings we creatures have. So there I was, walking around, all welled up in self pity, feeling lonely blablabla. And when I turned around, I saw Jason Segel behind me, grinning stupidly just to cheer me up. I don't know why but i really like him and he's not even that handsome or tough. Maybe because I love the chemistry between him and Lily in How I Met Your Mother and how huge he is and how small Lily. So maybe I was relating it to me and someone. Oh by the way, I'll always relate myself to one of the characters when I watch something. I don't know why but it is becoming a habit. Maybe that way, I'll enjoy the movie more. Anywaysss, so here I am, all mushed up all day long thinking about the dream and I'm ransacking my external hard drive for more Jason's movies. With this cold weather, I just want to be all snuggled up under the covers watching a chick flick with Jason in it. Watching a new unwatched movie would mean that I will have to take a risk. So I'm watching something that I've watched before, which is The Five-Year Engagement :D
 Okay that's practically how I can explain about the relationship between the weather and why I am watching this movie again now. Defensive much?

Oh maybe because he's got the same smile and physique of my man :)

Baby, it's cold outside..

One of the best feelings in the world is retreating after a long and tiring day. The bed feels extra comfy as I lay here staring at the ceiling. Especially after taking a hot bath and it starts to rain outside. I can feel the duvet covering every inches of my body Okay it is starting to sound like a cheap romance paperback, like Mills and Boon or those books that my Mom read during her single days. All I'm saying is, it is such a beautiful little bliss. You can find happiness and comfort in little things. Don't make me write down OneD's lyrics here. Enjoy while you still can. So you haven't got a job yet? Live life! This is the chance to stay up at late at night doing whatever you want, sleep in a little bit in the morning, go downstairs and hug your mum anytime you want. Cook for them (yeah, I'm still learning. Shut up, don't judge me), clean the house for them (this reminds me that I need to vacuum the house tomorrow), and just take care of them. Soon you'll be working eight to five and you'll come home late. Chances are you'll be working away from home so you won't get to see your parents very often. Next you'll be moving on to the next chapter in your life, you'll either get married and have your own family, or maybe move to another city to pursue your dreams. Typical, yeah. But it's mostly reality. So, make use of the time you have now. Use this few short months to repay the 23 years that your parents have spent on you. This is mainly a reminder to myself, actually. Coz I'm only human and I tend to forget, and in my case, being senile and all.
Alhamdulillah for this chance.
InsyaAllah it will be of good use.

Note to self:
Read this over and over again when you feel like drifting.